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Da Queen

The Royal House of Clinton responds to tiresome questions

Da Queen thanks to Jim Serritella

As you know, my dear people, for the last year the Royal House of Clinton has been tormented by questions about our handling of finances and subjected to tiresome questions about the tragic events in Benghazi - in the furthest regions of our empire. And, sadly, also questions about my Royal e-mails.

Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you, the people. For the next eight months I will be traveling among you as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and needs. I will be with you in your Wal-Marts, and beside you in your Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of our land, sharing your poverty and needs.

How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas and I were impoverished. After we were expelled from our Washington Palace we hardly had two mansions to rub together. We were so poor that we removed thousands of dollars of china, flatware, carpets and gifts from the Washington Palace just to survive. Shockingly, unscrupulous and ungrateful officials later forced us to return many of these treasures. Now, happily, benefactors from around our empire have given me just enough for us to scrape by.

During these difficult times, we had to cut back. When our daughter was married, we only had three million dollars to spend on her wedding. And, I remember our hopes, as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment, that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to something more fitting. After working for MSNBC for a starting salary of a mere $600,000 per year, what else could she do? So I now pay her $3,000,000 a year to run the ‘Foundation’.

So, as I travel across our kingdom to meet you all, I will be listening and sharing with you. Then, when the time for the Royal Election & Coronation comes, I know I can count on you to crown me as your rightful monarch, with my assurance that I will continue King Obama’s policies, and we can all live happily ever after in La-La land.

Your Queen-in-Waiting,
Hilarity Rodham Clinton

QuotaBills
There is no gambling like politics. - Benjamin Disraeli

Politics have no relation to morals. - Niccolo Machiavelli

Crime does not pay as well as politics. - Alfred E. Newman

Man is not free unless government is limited. - Ronald Reagan

From politics, it was an easy step to silence. - Jane Austen

All government, of course, is against liberty. - H L Mencken

A politician... one that would circumvent God. - William Shakespeare

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom. - William Blake

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. - R Buckminster Fuller

I'm not a politician. I've only got one face. - Brendan Behan

Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets. - Ronald Reagan

An honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere. - Mark Twain

The institution of royalty in any form is an insult to the human race. - Mark Twain

A politician is a man who approaches every problem with an open mouth. - Adlai Stevenson

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. - Will Rogers

Government can't give us anything without depriving us of something else. - Henry Hazlitt

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop. - P.J. O'Rourke

No science is immune to the infection of politics and the corruption of power. - Jacob Bronowski

The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office. - Will Rogers

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated. - Will Rogers

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw

Ideas are great arrows, but there has to be a bow. And politics is the bow of idealism. - Bill Moyers

Everyone wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes. - Werner Finck

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build bridges even when there are no rivers. - Nikita Khruschev

Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. - Molly Ivins

Ex-Presidents of the United States get state subsidies. Not so in Russia. You get no government support. - Mikhail Gorbachev

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. - John Quinton

I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I would gladly eat a network executive or a politician. - Marty Feldman

One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors. - Plato

It is inexcusable for scientists to torture animals; let them make their experiments on journalists and politicians. - Henrik Ibsen

Calculating how much carbon is absorbed by which forests and farms is a tricky task, especially when politicians do it. - Donella Meadows

When it comes to politics, I sit down on a sofa and grab some popcorn - or sometimes I crouch down in order not to get shot. - Sergey Galitsky

It is not in the nature of politics that the best men should be elected. The best men do not want to govern their fellowmen. - George MacDonald

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. - Ronald Reagan

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. - Oscar Ameringer

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner

Hillary Clinton was the worst Secretary of State in the history of the country. The world came apart under her reign as Secretary of State. - Donald Trump

NEED now means wanting someone else's money. GREED means wanting to keep your own. COMPASSION is when a politician arranges the transfer. - Joseph Sobran


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