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Da Queen

The Royal House of Clinton responds to tiresome questions

Da Queen thanks to Jim Serritella

As you know, my dear people, for the last year the Royal House of Clinton has been tormented by questions about our handling of finances and subjected to tiresome questions about the tragic events in Benghazi - in the furthest regions of our empire. And, sadly, also questions about my Royal e-mails.

Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you, the people. For the next eight months I will be traveling among you as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and needs. I will be with you in your Wal-Marts, and beside you in your Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of our land, sharing your poverty and needs.

How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas and I were impoverished. After we were expelled from our Washington Palace we hardly had two mansions to rub together. We were so poor that we removed thousands of dollars of china, flatware, carpets and gifts from the Washington Palace just to survive. Shockingly, unscrupulous and ungrateful officials later forced us to return many of these treasures. Now, happily, benefactors from around our empire have given me just enough for us to scrape by.

During these difficult times, we had to cut back. When our daughter was married, we only had three million dollars to spend on her wedding. And, I remember our hopes, as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment, that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to something more fitting. After working for MSNBC for a starting salary of a mere $600,000 per year, what else could she do? So I now pay her $3,000,000 a year to run the ‘Foundation’.

So, as I travel across our kingdom to meet you all, I will be listening and sharing with you. Then, when the time for the Royal Election & Coronation comes, I know I can count on you to crown me as your rightful monarch, with my assurance that I will continue King Obama’s policies, and we can all live happily ever after in La-La land.

Your Queen-in-Waiting,
Hilarity Rodham Clinton

QuotaBills
All politics is local. - Thomas P O'Neil

I am not a politician, but a soldier. - Idi Amin

Everybody knows politics is a contact sport. - Barrack Obama

From politics, it was an easy step to silence. - Jane Austen

All government, of course, is against liberty. - H L Mencken

Politics is just show business for ugly people. - Jay Leno

The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom. - William Blake

Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory. - John Kenneth Galbraith

Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets. - Ronald Reagan

It's a terrible shame that politics has become show business. - Sydney Pollack

The sad duty of politics is to establish justice in a sinful world. - Reinhold Niebuhr

In order to become the master, the politician poses as the servant. - Charles de Gaulle

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. - Edith Sitwell

An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought. - Simon Cameron

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. - Will Rogers

The flood of money that gushes into politics today is a pollution of democracy. - Theodore White

A filmmaker we almost lost to politics... my friend and colleague, Warren Beatty. - Jack Nicholson

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated. - Will Rogers

There are no crooked politicians in America. They've legalized their thievery. - Frank Dane

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw

The indignation of politicians is NOT a good measure of the gravity of any situation. - Paul Harvey

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. - Will Rogers

Politics is for people who have a passion for changing life but lack a passion for living it. - Tom Robbins

I think it's an absolute disaster that Australia, the government, allowed kangaroo culling. - Steve Irwin

I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans. - Kin Hubbard

God trained Moses in a palace to use him in a desert. He trained Joseph in a desert to use him in a palace. - Ravi Zacharias

One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace, good people don't go into government. - Donald Trump

Politics: Poli, a Latin word meaning "many"; and tics, meaning "bloodsucking creatures." - Robin Williams

Relying on the government to protect your privacy is like asking a peeping tom to install your window blinds. - John P Barlow

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. - Pericles (430 B.C.)

In politics it is necessary either to betray one's country or the electorate. I prefer to betray the electorate. - Charles de Gaulle

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians,
and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people. - Groucho Marx

Everyone has a skeleton in their closet. The difference between Bill Clinton and myself is that he has a walk-in closet. - Pat Buchanan

When it comes to politics, I sit down on a sofa and grab some popcorn - or sometimes I crouch down in order not to get shot. - Sergey Galitsky

It is not in the nature of politics that the best men should be elected. The best men do not want to govern their fellowmen. - George MacDonald

The workers' and peasants' government proposes to all warring peoples... negotiations leading to a just, democratic peace. - Lenin

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian. - Henry Ford

In politics, as in womanizing, failure is decisive. It sheds its retrospective gloom on earlier endeavor which at the time seemed full of promise. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Regarded simply as a politician, and compared with the other leading political figures of our time, how clean a smell he has managed to leave behind. - Mahatma Gandhi

Jokes of the proper kind, properly told, can do more to enlighten questions of politics, philosophy, and literature than any number of dull arguments. - Isaac Asimov


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