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Da Queen

The Royal House of Clinton responds to tiresome questions

Da Queen thanks to Jim Serritella

As you know, my dear people, for the last year the Royal House of Clinton has been tormented by questions about our handling of finances and subjected to tiresome questions about the tragic events in Benghazi - in the furthest regions of our empire. And, sadly, also questions about my Royal e-mails.

Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you, the people. For the next eight months I will be traveling among you as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and needs. I will be with you in your Wal-Marts, and beside you in your Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of our land, sharing your poverty and needs.

How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas and I were impoverished. After we were expelled from our Washington Palace we hardly had two mansions to rub together. We were so poor that we removed thousands of dollars of china, flatware, carpets and gifts from the Washington Palace just to survive. Shockingly, unscrupulous and ungrateful officials later forced us to return many of these treasures. Now, happily, benefactors from around our empire have given me just enough for us to scrape by.

During these difficult times, we had to cut back. When our daughter was married, we only had three million dollars to spend on her wedding. And, I remember our hopes, as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment, that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to something more fitting. After working for MSNBC for a starting salary of a mere $600,000 per year, what else could she do? So I now pay her $3,000,000 a year to run the ‘Foundation’.

So, as I travel across our kingdom to meet you all, I will be listening and sharing with you. Then, when the time for the Royal Election & Coronation comes, I know I can count on you to crown me as your rightful monarch, with my assurance that I will continue King Obama’s policies, and we can all live happily ever after in La-La land.

Your Queen-in-Waiting,
Hilarity Rodham Clinton

QuotaBills
Politics is an inexact science. - Otto von Bismarck

Politics makes strange red-fellows. - Will Rogers

In politics nothing is contemptible. - Benjamin Disraeli

I am not a politician, but a soldier. - Idi Amin

Intelligence has nothing to do with politics. - Londo Molari

All government, of course, is against liberty. - H L Mencken

A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying

Me and your mother ain't no duke or duke-ess. - Archie Bunker

Turn on to politics, or politics will turn on you. - Ralph Nader

Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory. - John Kenneth Galbraith

You can't get rich in politics unless you're a crook. - Harry S Truman

An honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere. - Mark Twain

War has rules, mud wrestling has rules - politics has no rules. - Ross Perot

I believe that truth is the glue that holds government together. - Gerald R. Ford

The sad duty of politics is to establish justice in a sinful world. - Reinhold Niebuhr

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. - Bob Wells

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. - Tex Guinan

A politician is a man who approaches every problem with an open mouth. - Adlai Stevenson

Bad politicians are sent to Washington by good people who don't vote. - William E. Simon

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. - Will Rogers

Government of the people, by the people, and for the pursuit of happiness. - Archie Bunker

When rats infest the palace, a lame cat is better than the swiftest horse. - Chinese Proverb

The flood of money that gushes into politics today is a pollution of democracy. - Theodore White

A good politician, under democracy, is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. - H L Mencken

There are no crooked politicians in America. They've legalized their thievery. - Frank Dane

My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government - he promised Dad he'd go straight. - John F Kennedy

If Hillary Clinton can't satisfy her husband what makes her think she can satisfy America. - Donald Trump

Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. - Molly Ivins

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. - Frederic Bastiat

If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand. - Milton Friedman

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. - Pericles (430 B.C.)

Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless. - Milton Friedman

I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. Zero. - George Carlin

An election is coming. Universal peace is declared, and the foxes have a sincere interest in prolonging the lives of the poultry. - George Eliot

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. - Voltaire

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner

Hillary Clinton was the worst Secretary of State in the history of the country. The world came apart under her reign as Secretary of State. - Donald Trump

The politicians in Washington are spending trillions of dollars of our money. When are Americans going to stand up and say enough is enough? - Joe Wurzelbacher

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. - Will Rogers

The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. - Edward I Kock


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