As you know, my dear people, for the last year the Royal House of Clinton has been tormented by questions about our handling of finances and subjected to tiresome questions about the tragic events in Benghazi - in the furthest regions of our empire. And, sadly, also questions about my Royal e-mails.
Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you, the people. For the next eight months I will be traveling among you as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and needs. I will be with you in your Wal-Marts, and beside you in your Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of our land, sharing your poverty and needs.
How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas and I were impoverished. After we were expelled from our Washington Palace we hardly had two mansions to rub together. We were so poor that we removed thousands of dollars of china, flatware, carpets and gifts from the Washington Palace just to survive. Shockingly, unscrupulous and ungrateful officials later forced us to return many of these treasures. Now, happily, benefactors from around our empire have given me just enough for us to scrape by.
During these difficult times, we had to cut back. When our daughter was married, we only had three million dollars to spend on her wedding. And, I remember our hopes, as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment, that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to something more fitting. After working for MSNBC for a starting salary of a mere $600,000 per year, what else could she do? So I now pay her $3,000,000 a year to run the ‘Foundation’.
So, as I travel across our kingdom to meet you all, I will be listening and sharing with you. Then, when the time for the Royal Election & Coronation comes, I know I can count on you to crown me as your rightful monarch, with my assurance that I will continue King Obama’s policies, and we can all live happily ever after in La-La land.
Hilarity Rodham Clinton
Politics is an inexact science. - Otto von Bismarck
There is no royal road to geometry. - Euclid
Politics is the art of the possible. - Otto von Bismarck
Politics have no relation to morals. - Niccolo Machiavelli
I am not a politician, but a soldier. - Idi Amin
Politics is not a game. It is an earnest business. - Winston Churchill
Politics is the art of controlling your environment. - Hunter S. Thompson
Politicians can't manage. All they can do is talk. - Donald Trump
The secret of politics? Make a good treaty with Russia. - Otto von Bismarck
Self-government won't work without self-discipline. - Paul Harvey
Sudafed: Brought litigation against a government official - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
In politics, a lie unanswered becomes truth within 24 hours. - Willie Brown
Politics is for the present, but an equation is for eternity. - Albert Einstein
An honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere. - Mark Twain
Democracy becomes a government of bullies tempered by editors. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
It's a terrible shame that politics has become show business. - Sydney Pollack
In order to become the master, the politician poses as the servant. - Charles de Gaulle
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. - Bob Wells
Politics is war without bloodshed while war is politics with bloodshed. - Mao Zedong
The politicians were talking themselves red, white and blue in the face. - Clare Boothe Luce
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. - Will Rogers
Bad politicians are sent to Washington by good people who don't vote. - William E. Simon
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. - Henry Kissinger
Politics is the art of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. - John Kenneth Galbraith
Ideas are great arrows, but there has to be a bow. And politics is the bow of idealism. - Bill Moyers
Everyone wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes. - Werner Finck
So, if we lie to the government, it's a felony.
But if they lie to us, it's politics. - Bill Murray
A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. - P.J. O'Rourke
I must study politics and war that my sons may have the liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. - John Adams
Animals are like little children a bit. They're simple. They don't have politics driving them. - Annabelle Sabloff
I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans. - Kin Hubbard
One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace, good people don't go into government. - Donald Trump
At present, our country needs women's idealism and determination, perhaps more in politics than anywhere else. - Shirley Chisholm
Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless. - Milton Friedman
When it comes to politics, I sit down on a sofa and grab some popcorn - or sometimes I crouch down in order not to get shot. - Sergey Galitsky
Judge: 1. A law student who marks his own examination papers; 2. A lawyer who once knew a politician; 3. A man in a trying position. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Our future cannot depend on the government alone. The ultimate solutions lie in the attitudes and the actions of the American people. - Joe Biden
A politician should have three hats. One for throwing into the ring, one for talking through, and one for pulling rabbits out of if elected. - Carl Sandburg
If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. - Will Rogers
Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien