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Da Queen

The Royal House of Clinton responds to tiresome questions

Da Queen thanks to Jim Serritella

As you know, my dear people, for the last year the Royal House of Clinton has been tormented by questions about our handling of finances and subjected to tiresome questions about the tragic events in Benghazi - in the furthest regions of our empire. And, sadly, also questions about my Royal e-mails.

Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you, the people. For the next eight months I will be traveling among you as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and needs. I will be with you in your Wal-Marts, and beside you in your Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of our land, sharing your poverty and needs.

How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas and I were impoverished. After we were expelled from our Washington Palace we hardly had two mansions to rub together. We were so poor that we removed thousands of dollars of china, flatware, carpets and gifts from the Washington Palace just to survive. Shockingly, unscrupulous and ungrateful officials later forced us to return many of these treasures. Now, happily, benefactors from around our empire have given me just enough for us to scrape by.

During these difficult times, we had to cut back. When our daughter was married, we only had three million dollars to spend on her wedding. And, I remember our hopes, as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment, that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to something more fitting. After working for MSNBC for a starting salary of a mere $600,000 per year, what else could she do? So I now pay her $3,000,000 a year to run the ‘Foundation’.

So, as I travel across our kingdom to meet you all, I will be listening and sharing with you. Then, when the time for the Royal Election & Coronation comes, I know I can count on you to crown me as your rightful monarch, with my assurance that I will continue King Obama’s policies, and we can all live happily ever after in La-La land.

Your Queen-in-Waiting,
Hilarity Rodham Clinton

QuotaBills
Politics is an inexact science. - Otto von Bismarck

There is no royal road to geometry. - Euclid

Politics is the art of the possible. - Otto von Bismarck

Politics have no relation to morals. - Niccolo Machiavelli

Under every stone lurks a politician. - Aristophanes

Crime does not pay as well as politics. - Alfred E. Newman

In politics the middle way is none at all. - John Adams

A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying

Turn on to politics, or politics will turn on you. - Ralph Nader

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. - R Buckminster Fuller

I'm not a politician. I've only got one face. - Brendan Behan

Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory. - John Kenneth Galbraith

The secret of politics? Make a good treaty with Russia. - Otto von Bismarck

It's a terrible shame that politics has become show business. - Sydney Pollack

The politicians were talking themselves red, white and blue in the face. - Clare Boothe Luce

In politics, madame, you need two things: friends, but above all an enemy. - Brian Mulroney

Idealism is the despot of thought, just as politics is the despot of will. - Mikhail Bakunin

When rats infest the palace, a lame cat is better than the swiftest horse. - Chinese Proverb

No science is immune to the infection of politics and the corruption of power. - Jacob Bronowski

A good politician, under democracy, is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. - H L Mencken

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher

My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government - he promised Dad he'd go straight. - John F Kennedy

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. - Doug Larson

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. - Nikita Khrushchev

Politics, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong. - Richard Armour

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. - John Quinton

It is a win-win for the American people, an idea no conventional politician would have the guts to put forward. - Donald Trump

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. - José Maria de Eça de Queiroz

At present, our country needs women's idealism and determination, perhaps more in politics than anywhere else. - Shirley Chisholm

Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless. - Milton Friedman

What politicians want to create is irreversible change because when you leave office someone changes it back again. - Estelle Morris

Taxpayer - someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination. - Ronald Reagan

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy. - Kin Hubbard

Very few of these panic-mongers have any personal knowledge of the countries that are already under blackshirt government. - Lord Rothermere

One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President. - Lyndon B. Johnson

When it comes to politics, I sit down on a sofa and grab some popcorn - or sometimes I crouch down in order not to get shot. - Sergey Galitsky

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. - Voltaire

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. - Will Rogers

Regarded simply as a politician, and compared with the other leading political figures of our time, how clean a smell he has managed to leave behind. - Mahatma Gandhi


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