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Da Queen

The Royal House of Clinton responds to tiresome questions

Da Queen thanks to Jim Serritella

As you know, my dear people, for the last year the Royal House of Clinton has been tormented by questions about our handling of finances and subjected to tiresome questions about the tragic events in Benghazi - in the furthest regions of our empire. And, sadly, also questions about my Royal e-mails.

Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you, the people. For the next eight months I will be traveling among you as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and needs. I will be with you in your Wal-Marts, and beside you in your Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of our land, sharing your poverty and needs.

How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas and I were impoverished. After we were expelled from our Washington Palace we hardly had two mansions to rub together. We were so poor that we removed thousands of dollars of china, flatware, carpets and gifts from the Washington Palace just to survive. Shockingly, unscrupulous and ungrateful officials later forced us to return many of these treasures. Now, happily, benefactors from around our empire have given me just enough for us to scrape by.

During these difficult times, we had to cut back. When our daughter was married, we only had three million dollars to spend on her wedding. And, I remember our hopes, as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment, that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to something more fitting. After working for MSNBC for a starting salary of a mere $600,000 per year, what else could she do? So I now pay her $3,000,000 a year to run the ‘Foundation’.

So, as I travel across our kingdom to meet you all, I will be listening and sharing with you. Then, when the time for the Royal Election & Coronation comes, I know I can count on you to crown me as your rightful monarch, with my assurance that I will continue King Obama’s policies, and we can all live happily ever after in La-La land.

Your Queen-in-Waiting,
Hilarity Rodham Clinton

QuotaBills
All politics is applesauce. - Will Rogers

Politics is the art of the possible. - Otto von Bismarck

In politics nothing is contemptible. - Benjamin Disraeli

I am not a politician, but a soldier. - Idi Amin

Everybody knows politics is a contact sport. - Barrack Obama

Turn on to politics, or politics will turn on you. - Ralph Nader

The secret of politics? Make a good treaty with Russia. - Otto von Bismarck

Poetry is about the grief. Politics is about the grievance. - Robert Frost

In politics, a lie unanswered becomes truth within 24 hours. - Willie Brown

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx

Politics is for the present, but an equation is for eternity. - Albert Einstein

An honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere. - Mark Twain

It's a terrible shame that politics has become show business. - Sydney Pollack

History is a tool used by politicians to justify their intentions. - Ted Koppei

A lame cat is better than a swift horse when rats infest the palace. - Chinese Proverb

Politics is war without bloodshed while war is politics with bloodshed. - Mao Zedong

Politics is a profession where the paths of glory lead but to the gravy. - Billy Boy Franklin

Government can't give us anything without depriving us of something else. - Henry Hazlitt

If politicians and scientists were lazier, how much happier we should all be. - Evelyn Waugh

To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government. - Mark Twain

There are no crooked politicians in America. They've legalized their thievery. - Frank Dane

The royal road to a man's heart is to talk to him about the things he treasures most. - Dale Carnegie

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher

My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government - he promised Dad he'd go straight. - John F Kennedy

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain

If Hillary Clinton can't satisfy her husband what makes her think she can satisfy America. - Donald Trump

What is the first part of politics? Education. The second? Education. And the third? Education. - Jules Michelet

The single most exciting thing you encounter in government is competence, because it's so rare. - Daniel P Moynihan

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. - Thomas Jefferson

God trained Moses in a palace to use him in a desert. He trained Joseph in a desert to use him in a palace. - Ravi Zacharias

One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace, good people don't go into government. - Donald Trump

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. - Pericles (430 B.C.)

Frankly, I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry. - Joseph Heller

In politics it is necessary either to betray one's country or the electorate. I prefer to betray the electorate. - Charles de Gaulle

It is inexcusable for scientists to torture animals; let them make their experiments on journalists and politicians. - Henrik Ibsen

It was revealed in a government survey published today that the Prime Minister is doing the work of two men, Laurel and Hardy. - Ronnie Corbett

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

I am quite sure now that often in matters concerning religion and politics, a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkeys. - Mark Twain

Politicians get their power too late, and I think that he has inherited an impossible situation in which he is ill-equipped to deal. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien


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