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Da Queen

The Royal House of Clinton responds to tiresome questions

Da Queen thanks to Jim Serritella

As you know, my dear people, for the last year the Royal House of Clinton has been tormented by questions about our handling of finances and subjected to tiresome questions about the tragic events in Benghazi - in the furthest regions of our empire. And, sadly, also questions about my Royal e-mails.

Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you, the people. For the next eight months I will be traveling among you as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and needs. I will be with you in your Wal-Marts, and beside you in your Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of our land, sharing your poverty and needs.

How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas and I were impoverished. After we were expelled from our Washington Palace we hardly had two mansions to rub together. We were so poor that we removed thousands of dollars of china, flatware, carpets and gifts from the Washington Palace just to survive. Shockingly, unscrupulous and ungrateful officials later forced us to return many of these treasures. Now, happily, benefactors from around our empire have given me just enough for us to scrape by.

During these difficult times, we had to cut back. When our daughter was married, we only had three million dollars to spend on her wedding. And, I remember our hopes, as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment, that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to something more fitting. After working for MSNBC for a starting salary of a mere $600,000 per year, what else could she do? So I now pay her $3,000,000 a year to run the ‘Foundation’.

So, as I travel across our kingdom to meet you all, I will be listening and sharing with you. Then, when the time for the Royal Election & Coronation comes, I know I can count on you to crown me as your rightful monarch, with my assurance that I will continue King Obama’s policies, and we can all live happily ever after in La-La land.

Your Queen-in-Waiting,
Hilarity Rodham Clinton

QuotaBills
Under every stone lurks a politician. - Aristophanes

In politics an absurdity is not a handicap. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Every country has the government it deserves. - Joseph de Maistre

A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

Government is an endless pursuit of new ways to tax. - Unknown

Most bad government results from too much government. - Thomas Jefferson

The secret of politics? Make a good treaty with Russia. - Otto von Bismarck

There can be no wise politics without thought beforehand. - Annie Besant

In politics, a lie unanswered becomes truth within 24 hours. - Willie Brown

We live in a world in which politics has replaced philosophy. - Martin L. Gross

An honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere. - Mark Twain

Democracy becomes a government of bullies tempered by editors. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The sad duty of politics is to establish justice in a sinful world. - Reinhold Niebuhr

A lame cat is better than a swift horse when rats infest the palace. - Chinese Proverb

The institution of royalty in any form is an insult to the human race. - Mark Twain

Politics is a profession where the paths of glory lead but to the gravy. - Billy Boy Franklin

Bad politicians are sent to Washington by good people who don't vote. - William E. Simon

Freedom of opinion can only exist when the government thinks itself secure. - Bertrand Russell

No science is immune to the infection of politics and the corruption of power. - Jacob Bronowski

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated. - Will Rogers

Either the government will be given to us or we shall seize it by marching on Rome. - Benito Mussolini

The election is not very far off when a candidate can recognize you across the street. - Kin Hubbard

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher

Politics is for people who have a passion for changing life but lack a passion for living it. - Tom Robbins

What is the first part of politics? Education. The second? Education. And the third? Education. - Jules Michelet

A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. - P.J. O'Rourke

Ex-Presidents of the United States get state subsidies. Not so in Russia. You get no government support. - Mikhail Gorbachev

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. - Frederic Bastiat

Politics: Poli, a Latin word meaning "many"; and tics, meaning "bloodsucking creatures." - Robin Williams

If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand. - Milton Friedman

One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors. - Plato

Harold MacMillan is a very intelligent man, who, as so often happens in politics, achieved supreme power too late. - Malcolm Muggeridge

We're at a point in history where everyone needs to pay attention to politics. Too much is at stake for us to be apathetic. - Kevin Costner

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. - Bill Vaughan

An election is coming. Universal peace is declared, and the foxes have a sincere interest in prolonging the lives of the poultry. - George Eliot

We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands on the issues. Isn't that a little backwards? - Jay Leno

Judge: 1. A law student who marks his own examination papers; 2. A lawyer who once knew a politician; 3. A man in a trying position. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A politician should have three hats. One for throwing into the ring, one for talking through, and one for pulling rabbits out of if elected. - Carl Sandburg

In politics, as in womanizing, failure is decisive. It sheds its retrospective gloom on earlier endeavor which at the time seemed full of promise. - Malcolm Muggeridge


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