#1 humor site on the 'net

Christmas Babies

Wrapping little bundles of joy during Christmas

Christmas Babies thanks to Barry McCartney

QuotaBills
Genius is sorrow's child. - John Adams

Diaper backward spells repaid. - Marshall McLuhan

Every child begins the world again. - Henry David Thoreau

Babies are such a nice way to start people. - Don Herold

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

A baby's laugh is an angel's voice. - Unknown

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Infancy conforms to nobody; all conform to it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ever notice how baby shampoo smells like spring? - Toni Sorenson

I learned how to change a cloth diaper on a raccoon. - Nikki Reed

Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself. - Erich Fromm

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers

You take more pictures of your baby than NASA does of Mars. - Unknown

Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion. - Miguel de Unamuno

The great man is one who never loses his child’s heart. - Mencius

The only thing worth stealing is a kiss from a sleeping child. - Joe Houldsworth

I look in the mirror through the eyes of the child that was me. - Judy Collins

One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control. - Rodney Dangerfield

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. - Leo J Burke

Experience is the child of thought, and thought is the child of action. - Benjamin Disraeli

Creative play is like a spring that bubbles up from deep within a child. - Joan Almon

Motherhood: Feeding them as a baby and then through most of their twenties. - Unknown

Four very powerful words to say to your child: "I believe in you." - Kevin Heath

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. - Groucho Marx

The four stages of man are infancy, childhood, adolescence, and obsolescence. - Art Linkletter

At the base and birth of every successful venture you will find an enthusiast. - Winston Churchill

A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn't act that way very often. - Unknown

Seek the wisdom of the ages, but look at the world through the eyes of a child. - Ron Wild

Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light? - Maurice Freehill

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

The most important question in the world is, "Why is the child crying?" - Alice Walker

Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The most effective kind of education is that a child should play amongst lovely things. - Plato

Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today. - Stacia Tauscher

It's easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult. Choose your words wisely. - Unknown

Golden Age: When the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When I go home, I play with my baby dolls and strollers and diaper bags, and play with my sisters. - Dakota Fanning

It is an act of love to say, "I believe in you as my child, and you don't need my help." - Peter Buffett

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

You really don't need to study how to change a diaper. As a new mom, you learn pretty darn quickly! - Ivanka Trump

A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. - Enid Bagnold

Every child should have an occasional pat on the back as long as it is applied low enough and hard enough. - Bishop Fulton J. Sheen

The baby bat
Screamed out in fright,
'Turn on the dark,
I'm afraid of the light.' - Shel Silverstein

The legacy I want to leave is a child-care system that says no kid is going to be left alone or left unsafe. - Marian Wright Edelman

I never used to like babies. I'd always thought if a baby were more like a chimpanzee, I'd have one. - Candice Bergen

The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of the child into old age, which means never losing your enthusiasm. - Aldous Huxley

Play is a vital learning medium for a child. In a sense play is his work. And he discovers knowledge for himself. - Raymond Moore

Milk is the drink of babies, tea the drink of women, water the drink of beasts, and wine is the drink of the gods. - John S Blackie

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender. - WC Fields

Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke

Spare the rod and spoil the child - that is true. But, beside the rod, keep an apple to give him when he has done well. - Martin Luther

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

No one ever wants to see his or her name linked to anything bad. Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can. - Harvey Mackay

Forgiveness is that subtle thread that binds both love and friendship. Without forgiveness, you may not even have a child one day. - George Foreman

I can change a diaper in 30 seconds flat. I set the new one beneath the old one. That way, it's just wipe and pull the flap over. - Drew Brees

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? - George Carlin

Life is a child playing around your feet, a tool you hold firmly in your grip, a bench you sit down upon in the evening, in your garden. - Jean Anouilh

Religion is something left over from the infancy of our intelligence, it will fade away as we adopt reason and science as our guidelines. - Bertrand Russell

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. - Eleanor Roosevelt

In a big family the first child is kind of like the first pancake. If it's not perfect, that's okay, there are a lot more coming along. - Antonin Scalia

The heart of who I am as a person and as a man is forgiveness, after forgiving my father for a lot of things that were done when I was a child. - Tyler Perry

A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm. - Bill Vaughan


Redneck Boat Ramp

Jack-A-Lope vs Jack-E-Lope

Urleen

Carry On or Carrion?

Selfie Pilot

Monarch Butterflies - Starting a Monarchy

Air Couch

Europe Road Trip

Thongthing Special

Nighttime Graffiti

Baby Formula

Kid Suction

Redneck Moving Truck

Critter Control

Lost Dog

Nail Chair

Looking For Something?

Yellow Pet

Race Break

Fuse Bypass

Good Boy

British Tea Party

Roadside Assistance

Chair Boy