#1 humor site on the 'net

America These Days

Priorities and Trends - where Americans gather today

America These Days thanks to Lisa Crawford

QuotaBills
When good Americans die they go to Paris. - Oscar Wilde

God Bless America, written by Milton Berlin. - Archie Bunker

The United States has much to offer the Third World War. - Ronald Reagan

America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric. - Doug Hamwell

The American Way of life, si! The American Way of death, no! - Archie Bunker

The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf. - Will Rogers

The hyphen, that's the most un-American thing in the world. - Woodrow Wilson

Europe was created by history. America was created by philosophy. - Margaret Thatcher

Irish Americans are no more Irish than Black Americans are Africans. - Bob Geldof

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. - H L Mencken

Whoever wants to know the heart and mind of America had better learn baseball. - Jacques Barzun

Any lack of confidence in the economic future of the United States is foolish. - Herbert Hoover

The problem is that Americans care more about saving whales than saving males. - Warren Farrell

The number one disease of business leaders in North America is procrastination. - Napoleon Hill

There are two kind of air travel in the United States, first class and third world. - Bobby Slayton

Vietnam was lost in the living rooms of America, not on the battlefields of Vietnam. - Marshall McLuhan

An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed. - A.J. Liebling

In America the President reigns for four years and journalism governs forever and ever. - Oscar Wilde

America did not invent human rights. In a very real sense, human rights invented America. - Jimmy Carter

Why is America the last best hope of Earth? What if it's Liechtenstein? Or, worse, Canada? - Sarah Vowell

There are many men of principle in both parties in America, but there is no party of principle. - Alexis de Tocqueville

In America any boy may become President, and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes. - Adlai Stevenson

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks, and hitting things with a stick. - P.J. O'Rourke

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. - George Burns

Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. - Ambrose Bierce

America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few. - Will Rogers

Every American should have above average income, and my administration is going to see they get it. - Bill Clinton

A truly American sentiment recognizes the dignity of labor and the fact that honor lies in honest toil. - Grover Cleveland

Folks who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign. - Milton Berle

Fischer, the great American chess champion, famously said, 'Chess is life.' I would say, 'Pi is life.' - Daniel Tammet

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. - Robert Orben

If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft

We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands on the issues. Isn't that a little backwards? - Jay Leno

A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make. - Unknown

To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be President of the United States. - George W. Bush

Canada is the essence of not being. Not English, not American, it is the mathematic of not being. And a subtle flavour - we're more like celery as a flavour. - Mike Myers

Americans have been remarkably devoted to the capacity for belief, to idealism. That's why we get into trouble all the time. We're always viewed as naive. - A. Bartlett Giamatti

Americans admire a people who can scratch a desert and produce a garden. The Israelis have shown qualities that Americans identify with: guts, patriotism, idealism, a passion for freedom. - Richard M Nixon

I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli. - George H.W. Bush


Donkey Cart

Music Note Chairlift

Thanks For Noticing

Winter Cyclist

No-Lake Picture

Morning Coffee Break

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Sign Crime

Royal Family Scrutiny

Bringing It Home

Secret Revealed

Women Pro Golfers

Alternative To Spanking

Laser Cats

At My Age I Need Glasses

Yoga Wine

Slip Sliding Away

Wi-Fi Free Restaurant

Buffalo Construction Plans

For Best Results

Ruling On Criticism

Bacon Pancakes

Very Left Turn Driver

Cold Sermon