America These Days

Americans like fat books and thin women. - Russell Baker

Canadians are Americans with no Disneyland. - Margaret Mahy

America is a tune. It must be sung together. - Gerald Stanley Lee

An asylum for the sane would be empty in America. - George Bernard Shaw

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun. - Unknown

Communism has defeated itself everywhere except in American colleges. - Paul Harvey

Never criticize Americans. They have the best taste that money can buy. - Miles Kington

Yancy is actually a Native-American name, but I'm Irish. Go figure. - Yancy Butler

In America you can always find a party. In Russia the party always finds you. - Yakov Smirnoff

Rivers in the United States are so polluted that acid rain makes them cleaner. - Andrew Malcolm

The problem is that Americans care more about saving whales than saving males. - Warren Farrell

No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. - P.T. Barnum

When God created the world, he didn't draw a line between Canada and America. - Marianne Williamson

The middle class. Since when in America do we have classes? That's Marxism talk. - Rick Santorum

The spirit of America has nurtured responsibility and community unlike any other country. - Stephen Covey

In America any boy may become President, and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes. - Adlai Stevenson

Liberal and conservative have lost their meaning in America. I represent the distracted center. - Jon Stewart

Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology. - Clive James

America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few. - Will Rogers

Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas. - Ian Fleming

A truly American sentiment recognizes the dignity of labor and the fact that honor lies in honest toil. - Grover Cleveland

Folks who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign. - Milton Berle

In America, the policeman is a working-class hero. In England, the policeman is a working-class traitor. - Martin Amis

The largest party in America is neither the Democrats nor the Republicans. It's the party of non-voters. - Robert Reich

To be President of the United States, sir, is to act as advocate for a blind, venomous, and ungrateful client. - John Updike

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions. - George Carlin

America's present need is not heroics but healing; not nostrums but normalcy; not revolution but restoration. - Warren G. Harding

If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft

The only difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere. - Jim Hightower

The most dangerous person of the world is a member of the United States Congress just home from a three-day fact-finding trip. - Johnny Isakson

The road to success is not easy to navigate, but with hard work, drive and passion, it's possible to achieve the American dream. - Tommy Hilfiger

Reporter to Beatles during their first US tour: "How do you find America?"
Ringo Starr: "Turn left at Greenland." - Ringo Starr

The politicians in Washington are spending trillions of dollars of our money. When are Americans going to stand up and say enough is enough? - Joe Wurzelbacher

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian. - Henry Ford

The beef industry has contributed to more American deaths than all the wars of this century, all natural disasters, and all automobile accidents combined. - Neal Barnard

To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be President of the United States. - George W. Bush

Canada is the essence of not being. Not English, not American, it is the mathematic of not being. And a subtle flavour - we're more like celery as a flavour. - Mike Myers

One of the greatest feelings in the world is knowing that we as individuals can make a difference. Ending hunger in America is a goal that is literally within our grasp. - Jeff Bridges

The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living and the get-rich-quick theory of life. - Theodore Roosevelt

I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli. - George H.W. Bush