Wife Of The Year

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

Who has a bad wife, his hell begins on earth. - Dutch Proverb

Draft Dodger: Someone who avoids beer on tap. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Beer: The method of turning grain into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

No man should plant more garden than his wife can hoe. - Old Saying

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments. - John Barrymore

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Rodney Dangerfield

A meal of bread, cheese, and beer constitutes the perfect food. - Queen Elizabeth I

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

When your wife asks what's on TV, dust is not the right answer. - Unknown

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

Extravagance: Anything you buy that is of no earthly use to your wife - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign. - Woody Allen

I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. - Tony Curtis

When a man retires his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. - Red Skelton

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night. - Rodney Dangerfield

Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out. - Joey Adams

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

It was partially my fault that we got divorced. I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. - Woody Allen

I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor

Wise Husband: One who buys his wife such fine china she won't trust him to wash the dishes - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with 28 years ago. - Will Rogers

Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown

For twenty-four years I've been in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me. - Henny Youngman

A man with a career can have no time to waste upon his wife and friends; he has to devote it wholly to his enemies. - John Hobbes

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife. - Ilie Nastase

A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife simply quoted, 'For better or worse.' It was only then that I realized the phrase was not multiple-choice. - Michael Gurnow

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle