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Wife Of The Year

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Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

A deaf husband and a blind wife make the best couple. - French Proverb

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments. - John Barrymore

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield

A husband's conjungal and a wife's convivial obligation - Archie Bunker

A meal of bread, cheese, and beer constitutes the perfect food. - Queen Elizabeth I

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash

In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen

When your wife asks what's on TV, dust is not the right answer. - Unknown

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - E. Joseph Cossman

The secrets of success are a good wife and a steady job. My wife told me. - Howard Nemerov

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown

When my wife asked me to start a garden the first thing I dug up was an excuse. - Henny Youngman

If you treat your wife like a thoroughbred, you'll never end up with a nag. - Zig Ziglar

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

It was partially my fault that we got divorced. I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. - Woody Allen

My wife hasn't had a birthday in 4 years. She was born in the year of our Lord-only-knows. - Unknown

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth". - Groucho Marx

For twenty-four years I've been in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me. - Henny Youngman

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield

I tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless. - Rodney Dangerfield

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

When my wife says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space and write a poem on the moon before we go. - Mike Vanatta

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster


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