Wife Of The Year

My wife gives good headache. - Rodney Dangerfield

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

Who has a bad wife, his hell begins on earth. - Dutch Proverb

Draft Dodger: Someone who avoids beer on tap. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

A deaf husband and a blind wife make the best couple. - French Proverb

Antibody: 1. Against everyone; 2. Your Uncle's wife. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments. - John Barrymore

I give unto my wife my second best bed, with the furniture. - William Shakespeare

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle

Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx

A husband's conjungal and a wife's convivial obligation - Archie Bunker

A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot

The secrets of success are a good wife and a steady job. My wife told me. - Howard Nemerov

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

If you treat your wife like a thoroughbred, you'll never end up with a nag. - Zig Ziglar

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night. - Rodney Dangerfield

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. - Jimmy Carter

If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were loved by wife, then thee. - Anne Bradstreet

I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife), but still my own. - Si Robertson

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor

In Las Vegas, a man said to his wife, "Give me the money I told you not to give me." - Henny Youngman

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield

If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife. - Ann Landers

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother. - Ken Dodd

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife. - Ilie Nastase

A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner

My wife simply quoted, 'For better or worse.' It was only then that I realized the phrase was not multiple-choice. - Michael Gurnow

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. - Winston Churchill

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle