Wife Of The Year

Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

My wife gives good headache. - Rodney Dangerfield

Seek a wife in your own sphere. - Latin Proverb

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

Would a lion cheat on his wife? No, but a Tiger Would. - Unknown

No man should plant more garden than his wife can hoe. - Old Saying

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments. - John Barrymore

The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx

A meal of bread, cheese, and beer constitutes the perfect food. - Queen Elizabeth I

I'm having trouble managing the mansion. What I need is a wife. - Ella Grasso

When your wife asks what's on TV, dust is not the right answer. - Unknown

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. - Oscar Wilde

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

If you treat your wife like a thoroughbred, you'll never end up with a nag. - Zig Ziglar

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. - Henny Youngman

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out. - Joey Adams

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. - Rodney Dangerfield

Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard

No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed. - Godfrey Winn

Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother. - Ken Dodd

A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin

I tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless. - Rodney Dangerfield

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

I'm amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch, yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets. - John Kinnear

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx