Wife Of The Year

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

My wife and I were happy for twenty years... then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx

A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Sigmund Freud

When your wife asks what's on TV, dust is not the right answer. - Unknown

My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign. - Woody Allen

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - E. Joseph Cossman

My wife likes the hockey smell because it's the smell of a warrior. - David Walton

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown

If you treat your wife like a thoroughbred, you'll never end up with a nag. - Zig Ziglar

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle

A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life. - Unknown

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. - Jimmy Carter

If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were loved by wife, then thee. - Anne Bradstreet

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. - Henny Youngman

Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

It was partially my fault that we got divorced. I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. - Woody Allen

I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor

Wise Husband: One who buys his wife such fine china she won't trust him to wash the dishes - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields

Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown

Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad's payroll - and on to his wife's - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed. - Godfrey Winn

A wise man will never tell his wife to keep quiet. He will tell her she looks beautiful with her mouth closed. - Unknown

A man with a career can have no time to waste upon his wife and friends; he has to devote it wholly to his enemies. - John Hobbes

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. - Winston Churchill

One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear. - J.B. Morton

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx

This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon