Wife Of The Year

My wife gives good headache. - Rodney Dangerfield

The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard

No man should plant more garden than his wife can hoe. - Old Saying

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments. - John Barrymore

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - E. Joseph Cossman

I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip. - Groucho Marx

When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason. - Molly McGee

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman

My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she's coming with me. - Jon Bon Jovi

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. - Oscar Wilde

When a man retires his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

When my wife asked me to start a garden the first thing I dug up was an excuse. - Henny Youngman

A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. - Irish Proverb

I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife), but still my own. - Si Robertson

Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My wife hasn't had a birthday in 4 years. She was born in the year of our Lord-only-knows. - Unknown

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with 28 years ago. - Will Rogers

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth". - Groucho Marx

A wise man will never tell his wife to keep quiet. He will tell her she looks beautiful with her mouth closed. - Unknown

A man with a career can have no time to waste upon his wife and friends; he has to devote it wholly to his enemies. - John Hobbes

A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

My wife simply quoted, 'For better or worse.' It was only then that I realized the phrase was not multiple-choice. - Michael Gurnow

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield

When my wife says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space and write a poem on the moon before we go. - Mike Vanatta

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster