#1 humor site on the 'net

Wife Consumption

Reducing the high cost of electricity

Wife Consumption thanks to Keith Blake

How to read your Electric Meter

Create your own high performance Energy Meter
QuotaBills
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. - James Keller

Would a lion cheat on his wife? No, but a Tiger Would. - Unknown

I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill. - Henny Youngman

America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric. - Doug Hamwell

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign. - Woody Allen

When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason. - Molly McGee

I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. - Tony Curtis

When a man retires his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield

A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life. - Unknown

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. - Jimmy Carter

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair. - Rodney Dangerfield

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad's payroll - and on to his wife's - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed. - Godfrey Winn

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? - Woody Allen

For twenty-four years I've been in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me. - Henny Youngman

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife. - Ilie Nastase

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

I tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife simply quoted, 'For better or worse.' It was only then that I realized the phrase was not multiple-choice. - Michael Gurnow

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. - Ogden Nash

The perfect date for me would be staying at home, making a big picnic in bed, eating Wotsits and cookies while watching cable TV. - Kim Kardashian

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. - Winston Churchill

One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear. - J.B. Morton

Being a dad isn't just about eating a huge bag of gummy bears as your wife gives birth. It means being comfortable with the word 'hero.' - Ryan Reynolds

This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us. - Unknown


Pita Pan

Drum Kit Chandelier

TP Roll Art

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Shark Circles

Mega Samurai Sudoku Puzzles

Stairway Chute

Run Down Apartments

Your Fly Is Down

Employee Factory - Join The Crowd!

Moonshiners

How Did They Get There?

Dent Wizard

Painted Fence

Duck Heist - Ducks Gone Bad

Reaching The Ocean

Worst Aid

How To Make A Deer Stand

Make Your Own Plectrum

Too Little Too Late

Pelican Sunrise

Modern Romance

Moose Police

Exhaust Condensation Reducer