#1 humor site on the 'net

Wife Consumption

Reducing the high cost of electricity

Wife Consumption thanks to Keith Blake

How to read your Electric Meter

Create your own high performance Energy Meter
QuotaBills
As a moth gnaws a garment, so doth envy consume a man. - Saint John Chrysostom

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments. - John Barrymore

The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington

The antiques my wife buys at auctions are keeping me baroque. - Peter De Vries

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Sigmund Freud

I'm having trouble managing the mansion. What I need is a wife. - Ella Grasso

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. - William Butler Yeats

My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign. - Woody Allen

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - E. Joseph Cossman

When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason. - Molly McGee

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman

The secrets of success are a good wife and a steady job. My wife told me. - Howard Nemerov

My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she's coming with me. - Jon Bon Jovi

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield

If you treat your wife like a thoroughbred, you'll never end up with a nag. - Zig Ziglar

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. - Red Skelton

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were loved by wife, then thee. - Anne Bradstreet

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. - Henny Youngman

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair. - Rodney Dangerfield

It was partially my fault that we got divorced. I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. - Woody Allen

My wife hasn't had a birthday in 4 years. She was born in the year of our Lord-only-knows. - Unknown

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife simply quoted, 'For better or worse.' It was only then that I realized the phrase was not multiple-choice. - Michael Gurnow

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

I'm amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch, yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets. - John Kinnear

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield

This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us. - Unknown


Locks Of Love

Redneck Speed Bump

Save A Tree

Baby Papaya Crossing

So You Want A Day Off

Mexico Will Pay For The Wall

Behind Every Man

Truck Driver Birth

Motion Picture Selfie

FearBusters

Holy Day Inn

Fat Friend Prayer

Weather Rock - For Accurate Forecasts

Moses Parting the Ice Field

Nutella Face Lotion

Men in Denim

I Have No Time For Your Kisses, Woman

Here We Goat Again

WatchCat

Disk Drive

Unemployed Politicians

Aye Matey

Redneck Calculator

Pocket Knots