#1 humor site on the 'net

Wife Consumption

Reducing the high cost of electricity

Wife Consumption thanks to Keith Blake

How to read your Electric Meter

Create your own high performance Energy Meter
QuotaBills
Take my wife - please! - Henny Youngman

Electrical degenerators - Archie Bunker

Dead Ringer: A disconnected telephone - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. - James Keller

A deaf husband and a blind wife make the best couple. - French Proverb

As a moth gnaws a garment, so doth envy consume a man. - Saint John Chrysostom

We consume our tomorrows fretting about our yesterdays. - Aulus Persius Flaccus

I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill. - Henny Youngman

America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric. - Doug Hamwell

My wife and I were happy for twenty years... then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield

The Internet is a telephone system that's gotten uppity. - Clifford Stoll

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot

I'm having trouble managing the mansion. What I need is a wife. - Ella Grasso

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. - William Butler Yeats

When your wife asks what's on TV, dust is not the right answer. - Unknown

My wife likes the hockey smell because it's the smell of a warrior. - David Walton

The 3 fastest means of communication: Twitter; Telephone; Tell a woman. - Unknown

I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. - Tony Curtis

My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she's coming with me. - Jon Bon Jovi

When a man retires his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield

My best friend ran away with my wife. And let me tell you, I really miss him. - Henny Youngman

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out. - Joey Adams

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad's payroll - and on to his wife's - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth". - Groucho Marx

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx

The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife. - Ilie Nastase

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. - Ogden Nash

Telephone: An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. - Ambrose Bierce

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

When my wife says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space and write a poem on the moon before we go. - Mike Vanatta

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx

This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us. - Unknown


Socket To Me

Work Not

I Shoot People!

Warm Them Up

Nautical Sense of Humour

Vegan Brownies

Worst Action Photographer

New Ghost Rider

Paint Ladder

Sidewalk Malt Melt

Redneck Post Support

Indiana Jeans

First Performance

Puzzle Makers

Fishing Dog

Twins' First Piano Lesson

Black Sheep Friday

Black Friday Scam

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Aussie Gazpacho

Too Much Turkey

Best Friend Theft

Baconurkey

Biggest Turkeys