Webster's First Dictionary

Wrong no man and write no woman. - Elbert Hubbard

One does not marry art. One ravishes it. - Edgar Degas

Woman, the most dangerous of playthings. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Who has a bad wife, his hell begins on earth. - Dutch Proverb

Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping. - Oscar Wilde

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. - H L Mencken

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. - Walt Disney

I give unto my wife my second best bed, with the furniture. - William Shakespeare

Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract. - Kathy Lette

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman

The only place where success comes before work is a dictionary. - Vidal Sassoon

The only place men want depth in a woman is in her decolletage. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact. - Ambrose Bierce

Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp

Nothing spoils a romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman. - Oscar Wilde

How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them. - Groucho Marx

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Most women are afraid of clowns, but somehow end up still dating one. - Unknown

Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man. - Erica Jong

Impossible is a word to be found only in the dictionary of fools. - Napoleon Bonaparte

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. - George Best

The woman who can create her own job is the one who will win fame and fortune. - Amelia Earhart

She's the kind of woman who climbed the ladder of success - wrong by wrong. - Mae West

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

The most beautiful makeup for a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy. - Yves St. Laurent

Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

Nothing changes the gender equation more significantly than women's economic freedom. - Gloria Steinem

The fantasy of every Australian man is to have two women - one cleaning and the other dusting. - Maurenn Murphy

Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd,
Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorned. - William Congreve

If you're unable to find your face in the dictionary, then take this opportunity to define yourself. - Faydra D. Fields

A woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view. - Sophia Loren

No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed. - Godfrey Winn

For twenty-four years I've been in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me. - Henny Youngman

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. - Albert Einstein

A man with a career can have no time to waste upon his wife and friends; he has to devote it wholly to his enemies. - John Hobbes

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner

I tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless. - Rodney Dangerfield