Webster's First Dictionary

Take my wife - please! - Henny Youngman

Marriage is not a word but a sentence. - Unknown

Well-behaved women seldom make history. - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a net. - Cynthia Heimel

Make love, not war... or get married and do both. - Unknown

Jade: A semi-precious stone or a semi-precious woman - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it. - George Carlin

I hate women because they always know where things are. - Voltaire

I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad. - Oedipus Rex

A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon. - Arnold Haultain

A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. - Woodrow Wyatt

A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. - Groucho Marx

The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. - Amy Grant

I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. - WC Fields

Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterward. - Thomas Fuller

A meal without cheese is like a beautiful woman who lacks an eye. - Jean A Brillat-Savarin

Some say women are addicted to chocolate. I say we're merely loyal. - Cathy Guisewite

That woman speaks eighteen languages and can't say no in any of them. - Dorothy Parker

The secrets of success are a good wife and a steady job. My wife told me. - Howard Nemerov

Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses. - G K Chesterton

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. - Oscar Wilde

A woman's best love letters are always written to the man she is betraying. - Lawrence Durrell

Glamour: The capacity of a woman to get more out of a dress than she puts into it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield

This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head. - Phyllis Diller

If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were loved by wife, then thee. - Anne Bradstreet

A consultant is a man who knows 147 ways to make love, but doesn't know any women. - Unknown

When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking. - Gail Sheehy

Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The fantasy of every Australian man is to have two women - one cleaning and the other dusting. - Maurenn Murphy

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen

The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson

I like the West. That's where men are men and women are women, and it's hard to beat a combination like that. - Milton Berle

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. - Oscar Wilde

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. - Unknown

There's something about a woman with a loud mind that sits in silence, smiling, knowing she can crush you with the truth. - R G Moon

Babies are bits of stardust, blown from the hand of God. Lucky the woman who knows the pangs of birth, for she has held a star. - Larry Barratto

I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate. - Mel Gibson