#1 humor site on the 'net

Waiting Is Good

Finding the person you need to be sorry for in the ER

Waiting Is Good thanks to Lorraine Ovenall

Emergency Room Rex has a message for you

QuotaBills
Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

They also serve who only stand and wait. - John Milton

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

Personally, I'm waiting for caller IQ. - Sandra Bernhard

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Life is pharmaceutical from head to cuticle. - David McCord

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

Never invest emergency savings in the stock market. - Suze Orman

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

Racing is life. Everything else is just... waiting. - Steve McQueen

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

Do not wait for the last judgment. It comes every day. - Albert Camus

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

The hardest part of growing up is learning how to wait. - Leo Rosten

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell. - Edward Abbey

In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

I don't wait for the calendar to figure out when I should live life. - Gene Simmons

Amateurs wait for inspiration. The rest of us just get up and go to work. - Chuck Close

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

Nurses dispense comfort, compassion, and caring without even a prescription. - Val Saintsbury

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown

I have observed that there are more lines formed than things worth waiting for. - Robert Brault

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle. - Abraham Lincoln

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer. - Ed Cunningham

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

If you wait until there is another case study in your industry, you will be too late. - Seth Godin

The universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper. - Bertrand Russell

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up. - Groucho Marx

The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. - Joseph Campbell

Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

My mother had this amazing attitude in the face of everything, including when she got cancer. - Bill Clinton

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. - Anne Frank

The world is more malleable than you think and it's waiting for you to hammer it into shape. - Bono

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency. - Arnold H. Glasow

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

I blinked and I cured my brain. That's how. Everybody has the power. Can't is the cancer of happen. - Charlie Sheen

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, Just wait. - Judy Tenuta

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Faith is a fine invention
When Gentlemen can see -
But Microscopes are prudent
In an Emergency. - Emily Dickinson

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham

Stop waiting for the right person to come into your life. Be the right person to come into someone else's life. - Unknown

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

With such riches as I have in life, you're always nervous. Being Irish, you're waiting for something to knock it sideways. - Pierce Brosnan

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins

When you get older, you know that life's mysteries are revealed in the fullness of time. All you have to do is wait, watch, and be amazed. - Linda Gray

We are given one life, and the decision is ours whether to wait for circumstances to make up our mind, or whether to act, and in acting, to live. - Omar Nelson Bradley

I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale


Apology to Potential Criminals

Before Morning Coffee

Sons Of Arthritis

Challenge Accepted

Subway Camouflage

In Stitches

Great White

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Can I Lick It

It Was A Dark And Stormy Night

Velociraptor Defined

Redneck Muffler Repair

Drama Queen Diary

He Looks Just Like His Father!

Happy Snow Car

Sand Strap Experience

Redneck Calf Feeder

BaCoN T-Shirt

Go Winterized

Car Igloo

Hen Pecked

It's Movie Time

In The Dog House

Diaper Change