#1 humor site on the 'net

Viola-ted

What happens when someone puts a dollar in your g-string

Viola-ted thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Music is my higher power. - Oliver James

Jazz is democracy in music. - Wynton Marsalis

I enjoy playing the audience like a piano. - Alfred Hitchcock

Without music, life would be a blank to me. - Jane Austen

Wagner's music is better than it sounds. - Mark Twain

In rock music terms I'm like a dinosaur. - Belinda Carlisle

Upright Piano: The noblest musical instrument - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I hate music - especially when it's played. - Jimmy Durante

Musician: Someone who makes a living by playing around - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable. - Samuel Johnson

It is always fatal to have music or poetry interrupted. - George Eliot

Music is the art which is most nigh to tears and memory. - Oscar Wilde

Every day a piano doesn't fall on my head is good luck. - Meg Rosoff

Classical music is music written by famous dead foreigners. - Arlene Heath

Jazz Musician: A juggler who uses harmonies instead of oranges - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Conductor: The musician most likely to get struck by lightning - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If in the afterlife there is not music, we will have to import it. - Domenico Cieri Estrada

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. - Decca Recording Company

Boxing is like jazz. The better it is, the less people appreciate it. - George Foreman

There are two kinds of music, the good and bad. I play the good kind. - Louis Armstrong

Music is the literature of the heart; it commences where speech ends. - Alphonse de Lamartine

Music is enough for a lifetime, but a lifetime is not enough for music. - Sergei Rachmaninoff

The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer. - Victor Borge

There, standing at the piano, was the original good time who had been had by all. - Kenneth Tynan

Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent. - Victor Hugo

The greatest pleasure of writing is not what it's about, but the music the words make. - Truman Capote

The only purpose for music should be the glory of God and the re-creation of the human spirit. - Johann Sebastian Bach

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Give me a guitar, give me a piano, give me a broom and string, I wouldn't get bored anywhere. - Keith Richards

If one plays good music, people don't listen and if one plays bad music people don't talk. - Oscar Wilde

Music is the language of the spirit. It opens the secret of life bringing peace, abolishing strife. - Kahlil Gibran

Boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other. - Jack Handey

If being an egomaniac means I believe in what I do and in my art or music, then in that respect you can call me that. - John Lennon

Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn. - Charlie Parker

Piano playing is more difficult than statesmanship. It is harder to awake emotions in ivory keys than it is in human beings. - Ignace Jan Paderewski

Music expresses feeling and thought, without language; it was below and before speech, and it is above and beyond all words. - Robert G Ingersoll

Great music is that which penetrates the ear with facility and leaves the memory with difficulty. Magical music never leaves the memory. - Thomas Beecham

Learning to play golf is like learning to play the violin. It's not only difficult to do, it's very painful to everyone around you. - Hal Linden

Music is a language that doesn't speak in particular words. It speaks in emotions, and if it's in the bones, it's in the bones. - Keith Richards

If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music. - Albert Einstein


Florida Moves Out Of Hurricane Zone

Small Bills

Denmark Traffic Signals

Nail Polish Lookalilikes

Game Car

Overloaded Mailbox

Redneck Phone

Enjoy Fresh Air

Bread Board

Snaccident

Mini Bar

Frisbee Stopper

Redneck Sushi

Redneck's Lo-Tech Mobile Phone

Downchuck

Border Agent Alert

Cadillac Clearance

Leading By Example

Wired For Coffee

Cadillac Bike

Chip and Dip

Cat Couch Nap

Redneck Trophy Fish

Country Irony