Vintage Birth Control

Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker

Stork Market: Maternity ward - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Stoic: De boid what brings de babies - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Babies are such a nice way to start people. - Don Herold

A baby is an inestimable blessing and a bother. - Mark Twain

A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on. - Carl Sandburg

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

The stork is voiceless because there is really nothing to say. - Will Cuppy

If pregnancy were a book, they would cut the last two chapters. - Nora Ephron

A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it. - Frank A. Clark

One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control. - Rodney Dangerfield

Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds. - Buddha

I'm a New Wave baby, so I got very stimulated by foreign film. - Jack Nicholson

My Birth Certificate is so old, it's written in Roman Numerals. - Bill Carter

Having a baby is like trying to push a grand piano through a transom. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Kidnapping: The short snatches of rest a parent gets when baby sleeps - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The big lesson in life, baby, is never be scared of anyone or anything. - Frank Sinatra

Ma-ma does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Da-da first. - Mignon McLaughlin

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

Clients don't care about the labor pains; they want to see the baby. - Tim Williams

Baby: a loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. - Ronald Knox

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby. - Natalie Wood

The firsts go away - first love, first baby, first kiss. You have to create new ones. - Sarah Jessica Parker

If newborn babies could speak they would be the most intelligent beings on planet earth. - Jaden Smith

Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

He was not brought by the stork. He was delivered by a man from the Audubon Society, personally. - Fred Allen

Golden Age: When the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When I go home, I play with my baby dolls and strollers and diaper bags, and play with my sisters. - Dakota Fanning

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

I never used to like babies. I'd always thought if a baby were more like a chimpanzee, I'd have one. - Candice Bergen

Why is it that people rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the people involved. - Mark Twain

Since people are going to be living longer and getting older, they'll just have to learn how to be babies longer. - Andy Warhol

Menopause: because nature decided that pregnancy, labor, delivery, breastfeeding, and stretch marks wasn't enough. - Unknown

The climate, the economic situation, rising birth rates; none of these things give me a lot of hope or reason to be optimistic. - David Attenborough

One of the signs of passing youth is the birth of a sense of fellowship with other human beings as we take our place among them. - Virginia Woolf

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? - George Carlin

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Our babies are like penguins; penguin babies can't exist unless more than one person is taking care of them. They just can't keep going. - Alison Gopnik