U.S. Millionaires

Marry money. - Max Shulman

When money speaks, truth keeps silent. - Russian Proverb

A fool and his money are soon partying. - Steven Wright

It is better to live rich than die rich. - Samuel Johnson

When the rich wage war, it's the poor who die. - Jean-Paul Sartre

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it. - Mark Twain

An unhurried sense of time is in itself a form of wealth. - Bonnie Friedman

I don't like money, actually, but it quiets my nerves. - Joe Louis

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money. - WC Fields

Those have a short Lent who owe money to be paid at Easter. - Benjamin Franklin

Capitalism is using its money; we socialists throw it away. - Fidel Castro

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. - Henny Youngman

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back. - Steven Wright

Enjoy money while you have it. Shrouds don't have pockets. - Virginia Esberg

If money is your hope for independence, you will never have it. - Henry Ford

I like my money right where I can see it: hanging in my closet. - Carrie Bradshaw

An education obtained with money is worse than no education at all. - Socrates

A liberal is a man who is willing to spend somebody else's money. - Carter Glass

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go? - Steven Wright

Money can't buy you friends, but you can get a better class of enemy. - Spike Milligan

Gentility is what is left over from rich ancestors after the money is gone. - John Ciardi

Mexico: where life is cheap, death is rich, and the buzzards are never unhappy. - Edward Abbey

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket. - Will Rogers

A person is happiest whether they be rich or poor, when there is peace in their home. - Unknown

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. - Bob Hope

You cannot sift out the poor from the community. The poor are indispensable to the rich. - Henry Ward Beacher

Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan

Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money. - Jules Renard

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th. - David Letterman

Beware of those who would pay you lip service but refuse to put their money where their mouths are. - Faydra D. Fields

We shouldn't spend money on things we don't need when others don't have the things they do. - Peter Singer

Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have. - Ernest Haskins

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown

No one has yet had the courage to memorialize his wealth on his tombstone. A dollar mark would not look well there. - Corra May Harris

Modern poets talk against business, poor things, but all of us write for money. Beginners are subjected to trial by market. - Robert Frost

Retirement is like a long vacation in Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money. - Jonathan Clements

What's money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do. - Bob Dylan

Street League Skateboarding is the premier professional skateboarding league in the world, with the biggest prize money in history. - Rob Dyrdek

NBC News just called it "The Great Freeze" - coldest weather in years. Is our country still spending money on the global warming hoax? - Donald Trump