#1 humor site on the 'net

Tree Duet

How arborists bring music to the park

Tree Duet thanks to Anne Pulice

QuotaBills
Friendship is a sheltering tree. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Relief: What trees do in the spring - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The apple will fall under the apple tree. - Greek Proverb

What kind of man gives cigarettes to trees? - Robin Williams

The righteous will flourish like the palm tree. - Psalms 92:12

Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do. - Ronald Reagan

Once there was a tree, and she loved a little boy. - Shel Silverstein

By trying often, the monkey learns to jump from the tree. - Cameroon Proverb

Preoccupied with a single leaf you won't see the tree. - Vagabond

The patriot's blood is the seed of Freedom's tree. - Thomas Campbell

Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. - Kahlil Gibran

When you think about a walking tree, laughter is the response. - John Rhys-Davies

Character is the root of the tree; conduct, the fruit it bears. - E.M. Bounds

I ordered a bed from IKEA and they sent me a tree trunk and a saw. - Eileen Curtright

Death is just a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees. - J.J. Furnas

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. - Fred Allen

Each has his own tree of ancestors, but at the top of all sits Probably Arboreal. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Someone told me I was immature. Guess who's not allowed in my tree house now? - Unknown

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit. - Nelson Henderson

Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. - Warren Buffett

Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. - Martin Luther

If I had six hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend the first four hours sharpening the axe. - Abraham Lincoln

If you reveal your secrets to the wind, don't blame the wind for revealing them to the trees. - Kahlil Gibran

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

We breathe air, trees make air, homework kills trees, therefore homework is going to kill us all. - Unknown

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

Every two months, I would get an email, 'Skeleton Twins update: still don't have the money!' - Bill Hader

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

It's in the democratic citizen's nature to be like a leaf that doesn't believe in the tree it's part of. - David Foster Wallace

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. - Hal Borland

When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious. - Unknown

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. - Woody Allen

I think trees should bloom earlier in the spring. They act like they are on a schedule. It’s not like they have anywhere to go. - Jarod Kintz

On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat,
But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat. - Edward Lear

Wolves directly affect the entire ecosystem, not just moose populations, their main prey, because less moose equals more tree growth. - Rolf Peterson

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin

I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree;
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all. - Ogden Nash

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown

Love is like the wild-rose briar, friendship like the holly-tree. The holly is dark when the rose-briar blooms, but which will bloom most constantly? - Emily Bronte


New Stormtrooper

Education Standstill

Pool Cleaner

Stool There

Soldier Tribute

It Was That Close

Messy Temper Tantrum

Big Tame Hunter

Exactly Enough Space

Coca Cola Twins

Sidetracked Baby

Breakthrough Blessings

Pauper's Graveside Service

Are You Ready?

Pulling The Wool Over Your Eyes

Girlfriends

How To Weigh Yourself Correctly

Bungee Cord Suspenders

Clogged Drain

Lum-Purr-Jack

Cookie King

Time Travel

How To Hide Candy

Little Shaver