Tragic Accident

Marry money. - Max Shulman

Marriage is not a word but a sentence. - Unknown

Call no man unhappy until he is married. - Socrates

Adorable: What you ring when you go visiting. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

If you marry for money you will earn every penny. - Dr. Phil McGraw

Make love, not war... or get married and do both. - Unknown

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. - Margot Asquith

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! - Groucho Marx

Onion Rings: Worn by vegetables when they get married - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

There is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose. - Oscar Wilde

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Unknown

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Before you marry keep both eyes open; after marriage shut one. - Jamaican Proverb

The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. - Amy Grant

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. - Mae West

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. - Woody Allen

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

I don't follow trends. I make each cake for a particular wedding, or event. - Ron Ben-Israel

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno

Rituals are important. Nowadays it's hip not to be married. I'm not interested in being hip. - John Lennon

It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. - John Wilmot

I married for love. But the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored. - Cameron Esposito

Marriage is like a beleaguered fortress: those who are outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out. - French Proverb

The best reason for a knitter to marry is that you can't teach the cat to be impressed when you finish a lace scarf. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

Camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home. - Yvonne Prinz

Getting married is easy. Staying married is more difficult. Staying happily married for a lifetime should rank among the fine arts. - Roberta Flack

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller

One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. - Helen Rowland