Tragic Accident

A married man is a caged bird. - Spanish Proverb

Hare Brush: Used to groom a rabbit - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Cantaloupe: Got to get married in Church - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A really good detective never gets married. - Raymond Chandler

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

If you marry for money you will earn every penny. - Dr. Phil McGraw

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. - Margot Asquith

Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges

The woman cries before the wedding and the man after. - Polish Proverb

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. - Groucho Marx

The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. - Red Skelton

Marriage is too interesting an experiment to be tried only once or twice. - Eva Gabor

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion. - Mark Twain

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. - Gloria Steinem

Well, at least he has found his true love - what a pity he can't marry himself. - Frank Sinatra

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed. - Oscar Wilde

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

First of all you’ve got to have talent. And then you've got to marry her like I did. - George Burns

Bachelors know more about women than married men. If they didn't they'd be married too. - H L Mencken

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. - Albert Einstein

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? - Barbara Streisand

Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

Camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home. - Yvonne Prinz

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller