Tragic Accident

Marriage is heaven and hell. - German Proverb

I married beneath me. All women do. - Lady Nancy Astor

I was so cold I almost got married. - Shelley Winters

The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - James Thurber

Make love, not war... or get married and do both. - Unknown

The ring always believes that the finger lives for it. - Malcolm de Chazal

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb

Hand Scanner: Singles bar prowler looking for wedding rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. - Ambrose Bierce

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx

The key to success? Work hard, stay focused and marry a Kennedy. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. - Groucho Marx

Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp

A man is often too young to marry, but a man is never too old to love. - Finnish Proverb

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Key Ring: A handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Never knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run away. Death hates that. - Matt Frewer

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. - Gloria Steinem

I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence

Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. - Irwin Corey

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring. - Jeff Foxworthy

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby

Whether you wind up with a nest egg or a goose egg depends on the kind of chick you married. - Unknown

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

Inside of a ring or out, ain't nothing wrong with going down. It's staying down that's wrong. - Muhammad Ali

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Grandchildren don't make a man feel old; it's the knowledge that he's married to a grandmother. - G Norman Collie

The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me. - Phyllis Diller

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. - Oscar Wilde

Poverty is an anomaly to rich people. It is very difficult to make out why people who want dinner do not ring the bell. - Walter Bagehot

Camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home. - Yvonne Prinz

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

When I was a young man I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal woman. Well, I found her but, alas, she was waiting for the ideal man. - Alain

I formed a new group called Alcoholics-Unanimous. If you don't feel like a drink, you ring another member and he comes over to persuade you. - Richard Harris

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller

One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst