#1 humor site on the 'net

Tore The Carpet Up Today

Lawn care for those who now don't care

Tore The Carpet Up Today thanks to Keith Blake

Tree removal is easy for some people

Arborist (or arboriculturist) - a professional in the practice of arboriculture - the cultivation, management, and study of individual trees, shrubs, vines, and other perennial woody plants

QuotaBills
Weeping Willow: Sad tree - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Trees often transplanted seldom prosper. - Flemish Proverb

The apple will fall under the apple tree. - Greek Proverb

Once there was a tree, and she loved a little boy. - Shel Silverstein

Meet success like a gentleman and disaster like a man. - Lord Birkenhead

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. - Khalil Gibran

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree. - Joyce Kilmer

When you think about a walking tree, laughter is the response. - John Rhys-Davies

I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn. - C.E. Cowman

Family Tree: The only tree whose branches seek the shelter of its roots - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Zealotry: 1. The enemy of idealism; 2. What a tree salesman likes to do. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

The trees in Siberia are miles apart - that's why the dogs are so fast. - Bob Hope

There is nothing so strong or safe in an emergency of life as the simple truth. - Charles Dickens

Each has his own tree of ancestors, but at the top of all sits Probably Arboreal. - Robert Louis Stevenson

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. - Tim Allen

Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. - Warren Buffett

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them. - Bill Vaughan

Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. - Martin Luther

Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. - Joseph Campbell

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

It's better to fall from a tree and break your back than to fall in love and break your heart. - African Proverb

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Bountiful: What Captain Bligh declared after learning that one more breadfruit tree would sink his ship - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The reason there are so many tree-lined boulevards in Paris is so the German army can march in the shade. - George S Patton

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

Faith is a fine invention
When Gentlemen can see -
But Microscopes are prudent
In an Emergency. - Emily Dickinson

I spend hours mowing the lawn in absolutely straight lines on my tractor. If it's not right, I do it again. - Britt Ekland

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. - John Muir

Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. - Abraham Lincoln

When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious. - Unknown

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. - Woody Allen

In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they're still beautiful. - Alice Walker

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it was stupid. - Albert Einstein

The axe cannot boast of the tree it has cut down. It could do nothing but for the woodsman. He made it, he sharpened it, and he used it. - Samuel Brengel

Love is like the wild-rose briar, friendship like the holly-tree. The holly is dark when the rose-briar blooms, but which will bloom most constantly? - Emily Bronte


Better Singer

Texas Basketball

Grow Food, Not Lawns

Nut Salesman

Long Yellow Things

Ants Know When Something Is Fake

Think Outside

Despicable Wood Stove

Engineering Flowchart

Egotist

Hunter's Dream Wedding

Paddy Field Canal

Grow A Boyfriend

Mars Images

Drumset Motorcycle

Brick Shoes

Custer's Last Stand?

Hand Held Tourist

Curly Heels

Bottle Sneakret

Removed Posts

Second Hand Work

Ostrich Fill Up

Calory Bomb