#1 humor site on the 'net

Tore The Carpet Up Today

Lawn care for those who now don't care

Tore The Carpet Up Today thanks to Keith Blake

Tree removal is easy for some people

Arborist (or arboriculturist) - a professional in the practice of arboriculture - the cultivation, management, and study of individual trees, shrubs, vines, and other perennial woody plants

QuotaBills
Weeping Willow: Sad tree - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Palm Tree: A tree with hands - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Friendship is a sheltering tree. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

A little axe can cut down a big tree. - Jamaican Saying

Trees often transplanted seldom prosper. - Flemish Proverb

Time spent amongst trees is never wasted time. - Katrina Mayer

Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do. - Ronald Reagan

Never invest emergency savings in the stock market. - Suze Orman

Meet success like a gentleman and disaster like a man. - Lord Birkenhead

Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. - Kahlil Gibran

Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. - Khalil Gibran

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree. - Joyce Kilmer

I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees. - Henry David Thoreau

Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs. - Ambrose Bierce

Character is the root of the tree; conduct, the fruit it bears. - E.M. Bounds

Disbelief: How you tell someone what the green stuff on a tree is - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Family Tree: The only tree whose branches seek the shelter of its roots - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

Books are no different from goats - they enjoy an afternoon out on the lawn. - Kate Bernheimer

Someone told me I was immature. Guess who's not allowed in my tree house now? - Unknown

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. - Tim Allen

A cold wind was blowing from the north, and it made the trees rustle like living things. - George R.R. Martin

The only ultimate disaster that can befall us is to feel ourselves at home on this earth. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. - Martin Luther

Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. - Joseph Campbell

Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence. - Hal Borland

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Faith is a fine invention
When Gentlemen can see -
But Microscopes are prudent
In an Emergency. - Emily Dickinson

I spend hours mowing the lawn in absolutely straight lines on my tractor. If it's not right, I do it again. - Britt Ekland

The bulletin board on the lawn of a New Jersey Church reads "We reserve the right to accept everybody." - John Kazmark

Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does. - George Bernard Shaw

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed; if in terms of ten years, plant trees; if in terms of 100 years, teach the people. - Confucius

In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they're still beautiful. - Alice Walker

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it was stupid. - Albert Einstein

The axe cannot boast of the tree it has cut down. It could do nothing but for the woodsman. He made it, he sharpened it, and he used it. - Samuel Brengel

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin

Love is like the wild-rose briar, friendship like the holly-tree. The holly is dark when the rose-briar blooms, but which will bloom most constantly? - Emily Bronte


German Efficiency

Star Wars Episode VIII

2022 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Scottish Variant

European Men - History Timeline

Octopus Pasta

Mona Lisa - Behind The Scenes

Diet Utensils

Loafers

Mechanics Gone Wrong - Car Teeter Totter

Tongue TwistHer

Dumped Truck

Taxidermy Ride

Wagon Races

Underwater Photography

Holland Bike Lane - For Pros Only

Shopping Wait-er

Heading To The Branch Office

Raise Twins

Redneck Baby Stroller

Dog Lookout

Porpoise Pilots

Redneck Lawn Mower Delivery

Military Cuts Have Gone Too Far