#1 humor site on the 'net

Tore The Carpet Up Today

Lawn care for those who now don't care

Tore The Carpet Up Today thanks to Keith Blake

Tree removal is easy for some people

Arborist (or arboriculturist) - a professional in the practice of arboriculture - the cultivation, management, and study of individual trees, shrubs, vines, and other perennial woody plants
QuotaBills
My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

Trees often transplanted seldom prosper. - Flemish Proverb

A lawn is nature under totalitarian rule. - Michael Pollan

Care shouldn't start in the emergency room. - James Douglas

The righteous will flourish like the palm tree. - Psalms 92:12

Never invest emergency savings in the stock market. - Suze Orman

The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit. - Moliere

If you hate where you are, move - you are not a tree. - Unknown

Meet success like a gentleman and disaster like a man. - Lord Birkenhead

Preoccupied with a single leaf you won't see the tree. - Vagabond

He knows his olive trees better than he knows his children. - Rebecca Helm-Ropelato

Native ability without education is like a tree without fruit. - Aristippus

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, does it make a sound? - Unknown

I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn. - C.E. Cowman

If dandelions were hard to grow, they would be most welcome on any lawn. - Andrew V. Mason

There is nothing so strong or safe in an emergency of life as the simple truth. - Charles Dickens

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

It will never rain roses. When we want to have more roses, we must plant more trees. - George Eliot

Trees are not known by their leaves, nor even by their blossoms, but by their fruits. - Eleanor of Aquitaine

The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit. - Nelson Henderson

A cold wind was blowing from the north, and it made the trees rustle like living things. - George R.R. Martin

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them. - Bill Vaughan

Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. - Martin Luther

Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. - Joseph Campbell

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

I think it's an absolute disaster that Australia, the government, allowed kangaroo culling. - Steve Irwin

A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields

It's better to fall from a tree and break your back than to fall in love and break your heart. - African Proverb

One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency. - Arnold H. Glasow

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

I spend hours mowing the lawn in absolutely straight lines on my tractor. If it's not right, I do it again. - Britt Ekland

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. - Ronald Reagan

Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. - Abraham Lincoln

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. - Woody Allen

If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed; if in terms of ten years, plant trees; if in terms of 100 years, teach the people. - Confucius

On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat,
But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat. - Edward Lear

Only when the last tree has withered, and the last fish caught, and the last river been poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money. - Cree Proverb

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. - Albert Einstein

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin

The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin


Shoe Laces 101

White Out

Lord Of The Rinse

Snow Shield

Canadian Breakdancing

Ninja Raccoon

Newfie Steering Wheel Lock

Marriage Barrier

Redneck Wine Holder

Snow Wall

Cold One

Baby Chat

Window Cleaning On The Edge

Father Time Snowman

Back Pain

No Extras Massage

Gooooooooooogle Air

Hot Tub Hangups

Scenery Cut and Paste

Origin of the Whoopee Cushion

Better With A Beard

Canadian Winter Smile

Monkey Morning

Snow Geese