#1 humor site on the 'net

The Original Smart Phone

First sign of KAOS in telephone technology

The Original Smart Phone thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Bumbling Maxwell Smart (Max Perry), Agent 86 for CONTROL, with help from his partner Agent 99, battles the forces of KAOS

QuotaBills
The wearer knows best where the shoe pinches. - Spanish Proverb

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. - George Carlin

You don't have to be perfect to be brilliant. - Mark Eyre

The key to winning is to be brilliant at the basics. - Vince Lombardi

Home is an invention on which no one has yet improved. - Ann Douglas

You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at. - Tina Fey

The Internet is a telephone system that's gotten uppity. - Clifford Stoll

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush. - Doug Larson

The 3 fastest means of communication: Twitter; Telephone; Tell a woman. - Unknown

A bright person can always think of something better to do than housework. - Ruby Lou Barnhill

Most of life's great moments happen when your phone is in your pocket. - Unknown

Necessity may be the mother of invention, but play is certainly the father. - Roger von Oech

It is not that I'm so smart. But I stay with the questions much longer. - Albert Einstein

She knew what all smart women knew: Laughter made you live better and longer. - Gail Parent

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. - Mark Twain

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night. - Rodney Dangerfield

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly. - Demetri Martin

Man who invented the hamburger was smart; man who invented the cheeseburger was a genius. - Matthew McConaughey

They went into my closets looking for skeletons, but thank God, all they found were shoes. - Imelda Marcos

For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. - Johnny Carson

Good marketing makes the company look smart. Great marketing makes the customer feel smart. - Joe Chernov

The ballet toe shoe is one of the few instruments of torture to survive intact into our time. - Unknown

Don't criticize what you don't understand, son. You never walked in that man's shoes. - Elvis Presley

Never trust people who smile constantly. They're either selling something or not very bright. - Laurell K Hamilton

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. - Alan Dundes

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong

My cell phone is acting up - I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I'm still at work. - Unknown

What sounds to you like a big load of trashy noise... is in fact... the brilliant music of a genius... myself. - Iggy Pop

Pigeons are gentle and smart and have complex social relationships. Their hearing and vision are both excellent. - Ingrid Newkirk

It makes you wonder. All the brilliant things we might have done with our lives if only we suspected we knew how. - Ann Patchett

If we don't redouble our efforts to increase incentives for invention, this country's going to lose its edge. - Dean Kamen

If you maintain a healthy diet, or at least are smart about your food choices, you'll still see the pounds come off. - Misty May-Treanor

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. - Ogden Nash

Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home. - David Frost

I glanced out the window at the signs of spring. The sky was almost blue, the trees were almost budding, the sun was almost bright. - Millard Kaufman

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? - Scott Adams

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

She's so fat she's my two best friends. She wears stretch caftans. She's got more chins than the Chinese telephone directory. - Joan Rivers

There is not less wit, not less invention, in applying rightly a thought one finds in a book, than in being the first author of that book. - Pierre Boyle


Global Warming Protest

Canadian Fast Food

Wienermobile Crash

Caribou Walking

Human Pixels

Ruling On Criticism

The New Canada

Pail Face

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Redneck DoorBells

Psychic Fair

Panda Push

Lunch Apple

Protective Wings

Socket To Me

Work Not

I Shoot People!

Warm Them Up

Nautical Sense of Humour

Vegan Brownies

Worst Action Photographer

New Ghost Rider

Paint Ladder

Sidewalk Malt Melt