#1 humor site on the 'net

That's My Bed

Some dog beds are not to be shared

That's My Bed thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

Give your dog a good night's rest with a heated dog bed

QuotaBills
Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb

Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

Book lovers never go to bed alone. - Unknown

A revolution is not a bed of roses. - Fidel Castro

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. - Phyllis Diller

Great shot kid, that was one in a million. - Han Solo

As you make your bed, so you must lie in it. - Daniel J. Boorstin

Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker

Don't think to hunt two hares with one dog. - Benjamin Franklin

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

You have to get up early if you want to get out of bed. - Groucho Marx

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash

Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell and advertise. - Ted Turner

When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point. - Barack Obama

There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Bernard Williams

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon. - Brian P. Cleary

A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. - Rodney Dangerfield

Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries

Love melts the rigor which the rocks have bred; a flint will break upon a feather bed. - John Cleveland

I can get motivated seeing a kid at my son's school overcome a learning disability. - Jason Alexander

I'm so ugly my father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. - Rodney Dangerfield

In bed, I'm totally impudent... (later) I got the feeling my prudence is coming back. - Archie Bunker

I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult. - Chris Hardwick

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. - George Burns

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

If Joan of Arc could turn the tide of an entire war before her 18th birthday, you can get out of bed. - E. Jean Carroll

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. - Steven Wright

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker

Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground. - Athol Fugard

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months. - Phyllis Diller

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians,
and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people. - Groucho Marx

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years. - Ernest Hemingway

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

When it comes to hockey, it's been in my blood since I was 3 or 4 years old. I love coaching the kids, especially at that level. - Mario Lemieux

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell? - Homer Simpson

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia


Small Bills

UnderDog

Pi Chart

Famous Equations

Brick Road Laying in The Netherlands

Cat Love

Sawfish Sword

Babysitter Dog

Bag Feelers

Love Feeding Birds

Backup Grill

Yoda-Churchill

Royal Knit Wit

Make Loaf Not War

Topping The Charts

Passageway

Wet Suit Danger

Shopping With Grandma

Colorectal Exam For Dogs

Suitcase Recycling

1941 PTO Portable Sawmill

Leaky Pipes

Camel Photobomb

Teabucks