That's My Bed

And so to bed. - Samuel Pepys

Every dog has his day. - Unknown

Happiness is a warm puppy. - Charles Schulz

Dogmatic: Run by canine power. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Never let the tail wag the dog. - Unknown

Southpaw: A dog who is left-handed - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

Great shot kid, that was one in a million. - Han Solo

Joy Ride: Going somewhere without the kids - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

As you make your bed, so you must lie in it. - Daniel J. Boorstin

He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

Pants: Something a dog does and a man steps into - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You'd think I was Lazarus rising from the bed. - Archie Bunker

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

How you make your bed is how you are going to sleep. - Greek Proverb

Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen. - Unknown

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash

Any kid will run any errand for you if you ask at bedtime. - Red Skelton

When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point. - Barack Obama

There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb

Lilac: 'He's a nice kid but he can lilac anything.' - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

It's great to get up in the morning, but nicer to lie in bed. - Unknown

In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale

No man should live where he can hear his neighbor's dog bark. - Nathaniel Macon

When the hares have all been caught, the hunting dogs are cooked. - Laozi

Water Hazard: Giving the kids too much to drink before a road trip - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Baby Boomer: A kid who just polished off six jars of raspberry jam - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labour. - John Ciardi

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids. - Unknown

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

The trees in Siberia are miles apart - that's why the dogs are so fast. - Bob Hope

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if he wanted to be one? - Jackie Mason

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. - Unknown

Observe your dog: if he's fat, then you're not getting enough exercise. - Evan Esar

Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of. - Unknown

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

Hopefully, kids realize you can do anything you want. Skateboarding can be that gateway. - Ryan Sheckler

In bed, I'm totally impudent... (later) I got the feeling my prudence is coming back. - Archie Bunker

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

Having kids is the ultimate job in life. I want to be most successful at being a good father. - Nick Lachey

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

Golden Age: When the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

Having a kid is like falling in love for the first time when you're 12, but every single day. - Mike Myers

I just want to make sure when I have kids, I can spend time with them. That's the whole point. - Mark Zuckerberg

Most people spend their lives going to bed when they're not sleep, and getting up when they are. - Cindy Adams

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. - Steven Wright

Apparently, as a kid, I used to eat spiders. Maybe there's some Freudian significance behind that. - Matt Smith

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

The legacy I want to leave is a child-care system that says no kid is going to be left alone or left unsafe. - Marian Wright Edelman

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years. - Ernest Hemingway

What's money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do. - Bob Dylan

The trout enjoys the river,
The whale enjoys the sea,
And dogs love most an old lamp-post,
But you're my cup of tea. - W H Auden

I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can't find me until after high school. - Unknown

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

What's my type? Someone who is supportive. Someone who is warm. Someone I can just curl up and relax with. Wait - I'm describing my bed again. - Bill Murray