That's My Bed

And so to bed. - Samuel Pepys

Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb

Happiness is a warm puppy. - Charles Schulz

The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

Lassitude: A heroic dog with attitude - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

To err is human, for forgive, canine. - Unknown

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. - Phyllis Diller

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

A good bone does not always come to a good dog. - French Proverb

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

He who sleeps on the floor will not fall off the bed. - Robert Gronock

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

Better to be the head of a dog than the tail of a lion. - English Proverb

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. - George Burns

Gigantic: The biggest, scariest bug in your dog's fur - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson

Dogs come into our lives and leave paw prints on our hearts. - Unknown

Elixir: What a dog does to his owner when she gives him a bone - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

I ordered a bed from IKEA and they sent me a tree trunk and a saw. - Eileen Curtright

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

As a kid, I got three meals a day. Oatmeal, miss-a-meal and no meal. - Mr. T

Happiness is coming home and knowing your dog is there to greet you. - Unknown

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

If I could be half the person my dog is, I'd be twice the human I am. - Unknown

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

Sleeping is my drug; my bed is my dealer; and my alarm clock is the police. - Unknown

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

The majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn't finish. - Carrie Underwood

I'm not buying my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did. - Yogi Berra

When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon. - Brian P. Cleary

Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed. - Don Rickles

All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother willing to let him have one. - Unknown

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. - Unknown

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. - Winston Churchill

I can get motivated seeing a kid at my son's school overcome a learning disability. - Jason Alexander

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffett

I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult. - Chris Hardwick

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

No human being believes that any other human being has a right to be in bed when he himself is up. - Robert Lynd

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash? - Robert Brault

The legacy I want to leave is a child-care system that says no kid is going to be left alone or left unsafe. - Marian Wright Edelman

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

As a kid, you looked forward to Charlie Brown during Halloween and you looked forward to Monday Night Football. - Nick Ferguson

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians,
and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people. - Groucho Marx

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

The perfect date for me would be staying at home, making a big picnic in bed, eating Wotsits and cookies while watching cable TV. - Kim Kardashian

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

Every woman's dream is that a man will take her in his arms, throw her into bed... and clean the whole house while she sleeps. - Unknown

Having kids - the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings - is the biggest job anyone can embark on. - Maria Shriver

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer