That's My Bed

The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

Bed is the poor man's opera. - Italian Proverb

I go through life like a Karate Kid. - Britney Spears

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. - Phyllis Diller

I'm good in bed. I can sleep all day. - Unknown

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

Great shot kid, that was one in a million. - Han Solo

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman

Don't think to hunt two hares with one dog. - Benjamin Franklin

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

He who sleeps on the floor will not fall off the bed. - Robert Gronock

Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell and advertise. - Ted Turner

There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

It's great to get up in the morning, but nicer to lie in bed. - Unknown

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

It takes more love to share the saddle than it does to share the bed. - Unknown

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. - Benjamin Franklin

Raising kids make most people, including me, grow up at least a little. - Madonna

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

Bad habits are like a good bed; easy to get into but difficult to get out of. - Unknown

The great majority of neuroses in women have their origin in the marriage bed. - Sigmund Freud

Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of. - Unknown

A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings

Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

Love melts the rigor which the rocks have bred; a flint will break upon a feather bed. - John Cleveland

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

Let Wall Street have a nightmare and the whole country has to help get them back in bed again. - Will Rogers

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

No human being believes that any other human being has a right to be in bed when he himself is up. - Robert Lynd

If Joan of Arc could turn the tide of an entire war before her 18th birthday, you can get out of bed. - E. Jean Carroll

No kid is unsmart. Every kid's a genius at something. Our job is to find it. And then encourage it. - Robin Sharma

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

I thank the Lord I no longer have to go to work. I just get out of bed in the morning, and there it is - all around me. - Unknown

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years. - Ernest Hemingway

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

It was character that got us out of bed, commitment that moved us into action, and discipline that enabled us to follow through. - Zig Ziglar

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

When I was a kid, one cop could have taken care of the whole neighborhood. Now, one cop wouldn't be safe in the neighborhood. - Mike Royko

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash