QuotaBillsHappiness is a warm puppy. - Charles Schulz
Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin
Here's looking at you, kid. - Casablanca
Book lovers never go to bed alone. - Unknown
Zit: Command given to a spotted dog - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The dog represents all that is best in man. - Etienne Charlet
The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael
Germs: The only things kids will share freely - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. - Emo Philips
Raising kids is a walk in the park. Jurassic Park. - Unknown
Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown
I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers
I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright
When I was a kid everyone used to call me pork 'n. - Michael Biehn
Be on your guard against a silent dog and still water. - Latin Proverb
Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. - George Burns
Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen. - Unknown
Gigantic: The biggest, scariest bug in your dog's fur - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney
I give unto my wife my second best bed, with the furniture. - William Shakespeare
I often take exercise. Only yesterday I had breakfast in bed. - Oscar Wilde
If we growl all day we're likely to feel dog tired at night. - Amish Saying
It's great to get up in the morning, but nicer to lie in bed. - Unknown
Dubm Waiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
As a kid, I got three meals a day. Oatmeal, miss-a-meal and no meal. - Mr. T
Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher
All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr
The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller
If I could be half the person my dog is, I'd be twice the human I am. - Unknown
Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford
I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids. - Unknown
Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson
Bad habits are like a good bed; easy to get into but difficult to get out of. - Unknown
Pajamas: Items of clothing that newlyweds place beside the bed in case of fire - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I'm not buying my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did. - Yogi Berra
Spoiled Rotten: What the kids become after as little as 15 minutes with Grandma - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
No matter how old you are, if a little kid hands you a toy phone, you answer it. - Dave Chappelle
The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley
Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother willing to let him have one. - Unknown
Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed. - Robert Gallagher
I can get motivated seeing a kid at my son's school overcome a learning disability. - Jason Alexander
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. - Mark Twain
I'm so ugly my father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. - Rodney Dangerfield
In bed, I'm totally impudent... (later) I got the feeling my prudence is coming back. - Archie Bunker
Energy: Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply of until asked to do something - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill
Zucchini: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Let Wall Street have a nightmare and the whole country has to help get them back in bed again. - Will Rogers
It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero
You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy
I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. - George Burns
Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield
Sunsets are great. Sunrises are a mixed bag. You either got up way too early or went to bed way too late. - Matt Dillon
For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller
You've got to get up every morning with determination if you're going to go to bed with satisfaction. - George Lorimer
I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz
I thank the Lord I no longer have to go to work. I just get out of bed in the morning, and there it is - all around me. - Unknown
An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck
You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke
When it comes to hockey, it's been in my blood since I was 3 or 4 years old. I love coaching the kids, especially at that level. - Mario Lemieux
You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain
Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman
Snap-On Gasket Scrapper: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot - Daffynitions joe-ks.com