#1 humor site on the 'net

Smirnoff Women

We don't serve women here - you have to bring your own

Smirnoff Women thanks to Frank Howard

QuotaBills
The woman that deliberates is lost. - Joseph Addison

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

Hell hath no fury like a woman's corns. - Archie Bunker

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

Women speak two languages, one of which is verbal. - Steve Rubenstein

Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior. - Socrates

A woman who strives to be like a man lacks ambition. - Unknown

I should never have switched from Scotch to martinis. - Humphrey Bogart

A woman's always younger than a man of equal years. - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

A weeping man and a smiling woman are not to be trusted. - Indian Proverb

He has a woman's name and wears makeup. How original. - Alice Cooper

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

Irene Lorenzo, queen of the Women's Lubrication Movement. - Archie Bunker

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age. - George Burns

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. - Mae West

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Every woman dreams of her own political career and her own place in life. - Raisa M. Gorbachev

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. - Groucho Marx

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often. - Oliver Herford

A woman is like a teabag. Only in hot water do you realize how strong she is. - Nancy Reagan

What else is there to live for? Chinese food and women. There is nothing else! - Dudley Moore

When I passed 40 I dropped pretence, 'cause men like women who got some sense. - Maya Angelou

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts. - Samuel Johnson

And what is better than wisdom? Woman. And what is better than a good woman? Nothing. - Geoffrey Chaucer

New York champagne - that's a phony label. They don't grow raisins in New York. - Archie Bunker

A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Women have a hard enough time in this world; telling them the truth would be too cruel. - H L Mencken

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is. - Helen Rowland

Nothing changes the gender equation more significantly than women's economic freedom. - Gloria Steinem

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days. - Groucho Marx

The clothes in themselves do not make a statement. The woman makes the statement and the dress helps. - Jean Muir

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. - Unknown

After all, inside every woman, no matter how grown up she is, there is still a frightened little girl. - Sergei Lukyanenko

She's the sort of woman who lives for others - you can tell the others by their hunted expression. - C S Lewis

A woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view. - Sophia Loren

The next woman who gets hold of me is gonna light up like a pinball machine and pay off in silver dollars. - Jack Nicholson

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

If women want any rights more than they got, why don't they just take them and not be talking about it? - Sojourner Truth

Sometimes a man just can't satisfy all of a woman's desires. Which is why God invented dental floss. - Unknown

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. - Ogden Nash

Men prefer brief praise, pitched high; women are satisfied with praise in a lower key, just so it goes on and on - Mignon McLaughlin

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? - Barbara Streisand

Babies are bits of stardust, blown from the hand of God. Lucky the woman who knows the pangs of birth, for she has held a star. - Larry Barratto

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

If a woman says, 'Do what you want', do not do what you want. Stand still. Do not blink. Don't even breathe. Just play dead. - Unknown

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking. - Bill Vaughan

The 77 cents that women make for every dollar men earn makes a real difference to our families - families stretching to make every dollar count. - Barbara Mikulski


2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Raxe

Male Multitasker

Fork In The Road

Mega Samurai Sudoku Puzzles

Goat Trick

Genuine Fake Watches

Onward, My Noble Steed!

Edible Pet Clothing

Texas Diet

Grass Room

Stoolbus

Barn Owl Beauty

Car Elas Sale

Bestist

Cement Truck Lane

Cane Swimmers

Bartender Spill

Angry Mathematician

Matching Receipt

Where Nobody Speeds

A Good Woman

Front Row Seats

Always Full Glass