#1 humor site on the 'net

Smirnoff Women

We don't serve women here - you have to bring your own

Smirnoff Women thanks to Frank Howard

QuotaBills
Good wine needs no vine. - French Proverb

Women hold up half the sky. - Mao Zedong

Women and elephants never forget. - Dorothy Parker

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields

What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb

I like men who have a future and women who have a past. - Oscar Wilde

Organ Recital: A group of women discussing their operations - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. - Mark Twain

Nothing spoils a romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman. - Oscar Wilde

We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine. - Eduardo Galeano

Women with pasts interest men. They hope history will repeat itself. - Mae West

I love men, not because they are men, but because they are not women. - Queen Christina of Sweden

How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them. - Groucho Marx

That woman temptated me up there and you know she was a wonton woman. - Archie Bunker

The 3 fastest means of communication: Twitter; Telephone; Tell a woman. - Unknown

I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

Between man and woman there is little difference, but vive la difference. - French Proverb

A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur

The woman who can create her own job is the one who will win fame and fortune. - Amelia Earhart

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction. - Oscar Wilde

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men and women are created equal. - Elizabeth Cady Stanton

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks. - George Burns

Looking at how successful all the Kardashian women are, I don't blame Bruce Jenner at all. - Trevor Noah

By the time a woman realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she's wrong. - Unknown

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong

I would venture to guess that Anon, who wrote so many poems without signing them, was often a woman. - Virginia Woolf

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. - Woody Allen

She's the sort of woman who lives for others - you can tell the others by their hunted expression. - C S Lewis

Deprived of meaningful work, men and women lose their reason for existence; they go stark, raving mad. - Fyodor Dostoevsky

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson

There goes a woman who knows all the things that can be taught and none of the things that cannot be taught. - Coco Chanel

Women are like the police. They could have all the evidence in the world, but they still want the confession. - Chris Rock

A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes. - Robert Frost

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? - Barbara Streisand

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. - Oscar Wilde

There's something about a woman with a loud mind that sits in silence, smiling, knowing she can crush you with the truth. - R G Moon

I think being a woman is like being Irish. Everyone says you're important and nice, but you take second place all the same. - Iris Murdoch

I'm always worried when a woman sees me naked for the first time. That she's just gonna scream and run out of the park. - Gary Delaney

From a shy, timid girl I had become a woman of resolute character, who could no longer be frightened by the struggle with troubles. - Anna Dostoevsky

Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots. - Hoosier Farmer

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

In those days the best painkiller was ice. It wasn't addictive, and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it. - George Burns

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

Like many other women, I could not understand why every man who changed a diaper has felt impelled, in recent years, to write a book about it. - Barbara Ehrenreich

I have frequently been questioned, especially by women, of how I could reconcile family life with a scientific career. Well, it has not been easy. - Marie Curie

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster


Clangeroo

Redneck Cooler

Instead Of Flowers

Mt. Rushmore from the Canadian Side

I Love Summer

Karma Towing

Salmon-chanted Evening

Hands On Tree

Fart Facts

New Medicare Program for Senior Citizens

Down Under Bat

Muffler Hanger

Construction Playground

Couch Dog vs. Paint Shop Pros

Spaghetti Tree

Take Away Van

Will To Live

Redneck Bra

Politician Plane

Millennial Jump Start

City Work Crew's Slow Day

Granny Smith Apple

Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart

Spaghetti Digest