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Physician, heal thyself. - Luke 4:23

Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper

Good doctors make poor patients. - Unknown

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb

No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

Time is a physician that heals every grief. - Diphilus

Fashion saves a lot more lives than doctors. - Bruno Gehard

The doctors X-rayed my head an found nothing. - Dizzy Dean

False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates

Asphyxiation: What a surgeon does about an asphalt - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love. - Hubert H Humphrey

Somebody must get the incompetent lawyers and doctors. - George Bernard Shaw

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

If you wish to die young, make your physician your heir. - Romania Proverb

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman

Dear Math: I'm not a therapist. Solve your own problems. - Unknown

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

A physical therapist does some unbelievable stretching with me. - Brian O'Driscoll

Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb

Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled. - Red Skelton

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

Barium: 1. What Doctors do when treatment fails; 2. What you do when CPR fails. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren

Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

If you get a diagnosis, get on a therapy, keep a good attitude and keep your sense of humor. - Teri Garr

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown

The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease. - William Osler

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen

Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler

It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

The art of healing comes from nature, not from the physician. Therefore the physician must start from nature, with an open mind. - Paracelsus

A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man - he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. - Anton Chekhov

Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles

A physician's physiology has much the same relation to his power of healing as a cleric's divinity has to his power of influencing conduct. - Samuel Butler

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler

In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart


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