Russian Windshield Wiper

Extraordinary how potent cheap music is. - Noel Coward

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

Talk is cheap... except when Congress does it. - Unknown

Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug. - John Lithgow

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me. - Warren Buffet

The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. - John F Kennedy

Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe Defries

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap. - Dolly Parton

Look at life through the windshield, not the rearview mirror. - Byrd Baggett

Some days you're a bug, some days you're a windshield. - Price Cobb

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass

The shortest distance between two points is usually under repair. - Unknown

Sometimes you're the windshield; sometimes you're the bug. - Mark Knopfler

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

Mexico: where life is cheap, death is rich, and the buzzards are never unhappy. - Edward Abbey

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

It's easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult. Choose your words wisely. - Unknown

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap? - Phyllis Diller

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Women are the most powerful magnet in the universe. And all men are cheap metal. And we all know where north is. - Larry Miller

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. - Joe Ryan

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright