Russian Windshield Wiper

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug. - John Lithgow

Safety is a cheap and effective insurance policy. - Unknown

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me. - Warren Buffet

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill. - Henny Youngman

Look at life through the windshield, not the rearview mirror. - Byrd Baggett

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

The shortest distance between two points is usually under repair. - Unknown

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

It is sometimes as dangerous to be run into by a microbe as by a trolley car. - J.J. Walsh

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

Mexico: where life is cheap, death is rich, and the buzzards are never unhappy. - Edward Abbey

Keep your bike in good repair: motorcycle boots are not comfortable for walking. - Unknown

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Make pumpkin bread as the default gift for everyone. It is cheap, it is beloved, it is carbs. - Karen Bender

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap? - Phyllis Diller

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

There's no point in wasting calories on cheap chocolate, always opt for the darkest and richest. - Nanci Rathbun

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. - Joe Ryan

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

I was Ashallayn’darkmyr Tallyn, son of Mab, former prince of the Unseelie Court, and I was not afraid of a witch on a broom. - Julie Kagawa

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright