Redneck TV Tray

Zombies hate fast food. - Unknown

The vertizontal hold on the TV. - Archie Bunker

It's the hottest thing on television. - Donald Trump

Television has raised writing to a new low. - Samuel Goldwyn

Imitation is the sincerest form of television. - Fred Allen

I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach. - WC Fields

Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper. - Daphne Zuniga

Sex on television can't hurt you - unless you fall off. - Unknown

Bed is like the womb, only drier and with better TV reception. - Linda Richman

Television has brought back murder into the home... where it belongs. - Alfred Hitchcock

My children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television. - Erma Bombeck

So long as there's a jingle in your head, television isn't free. - Jason Love

Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television. - Victoria Wood

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other. - Ann Landers

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets? - Dick Cavett

Do you realize if it weren't for Edison we'd be watching TV by candlelight? - Al Boliska

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows. - Woody Allen

I wanted this to be a movie on TV so I could press the off button and make it all go away. - Michelle Rowen

I need to tone up, as I eat a lot of fast food. I love Maccy D's, Subway and Domino's. - Amy Childs

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon

President Ford tells us all to bite the bullet and Betsy Ford goes on TV and shoots off her mouth. - Archie Bunker

You go to your TV to turn your brain off. You go to the computer when you want to turn your brain on. - Steve Jobs

Television remote controls encourage couch potatoes to exercise their options while broadening their base. - William Arthur Ward

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV! - Homer Simpson

The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. - Groucho Marx

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of the television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. - Johnny Carson

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

Please promise me. If and when the day comes that I may forget who you are, please promise that you won't forget that I am still me. - Mara Botonis

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world. - Steven Wright

When I find out a hotel doesn't have a DSL, it's like "What? There's no toilet?" Once you get used to high speed you ain't going back. - Robin Williams

Nowadays they say you need a special chip to put in the TV so kids can't watch this and that. In my day, we didn't need a chip. My mom was the chip. End of story. - Ray Charles

There is something about a martini,
Ere the dining and dancing begin;
And to tell you the truth, It is not the vermouth -
I think that perhaps it's the gin. - Ogden Nash

NASA asked me to create meals for the space shuttle. Thai chicken was the favorite. I flew in a fake space shuttle, but I have no desire to go into space after seeing the toilet. - Rachael Ray

When videotape came so a lot of movies that I do have a kind of afterlife in video. Things where movies that I do would come and go; they still come and go but you can go rent them and see them on TV. - Christopher Walken

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30. - Groucho Marx

Others may prefer mindless entertainment, but on Sunday nights, you'll find me parked right in front of my television, munching popcorn and improving my intellect by watching 'Masterpiece Classic.' - Teresa Medeiros

I am not Spock. But given the choice, if I had to be someone else, I would be Spock. If someone said, "You can have the choice of being any other TV character ever played," I would choose Spock. I like him. I admire him. I respect him. - Leonard Nimoy

My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him. - Rita Rudner