Redneck TV Tray

The vertizontal hold on the TV. - Archie Bunker

Television is democracy at its ugliest. - Paddy Chayefsky

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover! - Homer Simpson

In television blood is thicker than talent. - Gerald F Lieberman

Ah, TV respects me. It laughs with me, not at me! - Homer Simpson

Television proves that sight has a definite odor. - Gerald F Lieberman

I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach. - WC Fields

Mobile is a lot closer to TV than it is to desktop. - Mark Zuckerberg

Bed is like the womb, only drier and with better TV reception. - Linda Richman

It's very nearly impossible to tell the truth in television. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Television is called a medium because anything good on it is rare. - Fred Allen

TV is simply a place where people go when they get tired of thinking. - Kevin Devitte

The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. - Dave Barry

Television Programming: Material that fills the time between commercials - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television. - Victoria Wood

Do you realize if it weren't for Edison we'd be watching TV by candlelight? - Al Boliska

I wanted this to be a movie on TV so I could press the off button and make it all go away. - Michelle Rowen

Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object. - Laurence J Peter

One of the most important gifts we have in television - the ability to heal through laughter. - Soleil M Frye

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

I chose the Egyptian dream: the dream to make a TV show, and then be called an infidel by the end. - Bassem Youssef

Television was not intended to make human beings vacuous, but it is an emanation of their vacuity. - Malcolm Muggeridge

You go to your TV to turn your brain off. You go to the computer when you want to turn your brain on. - Steve Jobs

TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public. - Douglas Coupland

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. - Milton Berle

If I don't work, I'll be sitting on the couch watching TV, eating popcorn and getting like a cow. - Celia Cruz

The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. - Groucho Marx

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of the television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. - Johnny Carson

Why something in the public interest such as television news can be fought over, like a chain of hamburger stands, eludes me. - Jimmy Breslin

We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands on the issues. Isn't that a little backwards? - Jay Leno

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world. - Steven Wright

If you liberals keep gettin' your way - we're all gonna hear one big loud flush. The sound of the U.S. of A. goin' straight down the toilet. - Archie Bunker

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One. - Yakov Smirnoff

When I find out a hotel doesn't have a DSL, it's like "What? There's no toilet?" Once you get used to high speed you ain't going back. - Robin Williams

To eat well, I always disagree with critics who say that all restaurants should be fine dining. You can get a Michelin star if you serve the best hamburger in the world. - David Chang

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30. - Groucho Marx

I am not Spock. But given the choice, if I had to be someone else, I would be Spock. If someone said, "You can have the choice of being any other TV character ever played," I would choose Spock. I like him. I admire him. I respect him. - Leonard Nimoy