Redneck TV Tray

Television is democracy at its ugliest. - Paddy Chayefsky

In television blood is thicker than talent. - Gerald F Lieberman

When I was your age, television was called books. - William Goldman

Nothing is really real unless it happens on television. - Daniel J. Boorstin

Igloo: 1. An icicle built for two; 2. An Alaskan toilet. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Life doesn't imitate art; it imitates bad television. - Woody Allen

Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper. - Daphne Zuniga

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. - Fred Allen

Canadian cities looked the way American cities did on television. - William Gibson

Entertainment is a thing of the past, today we've got television. - Archie Bunker

Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television. - David Letterman

My children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television. - Erma Bombeck

So long as there's a jingle in your head, television isn't free. - Jason Love

Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television. - Victoria Wood

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

Do you realize if it weren't for Edison we'd be watching TV by candlelight? - Al Boliska

I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts. - Orson Welles

If it weren't for electricity, we'd all be watching television by candlelight. - George Gobel

France is a country where the money falls apart but you can't tear the toilet paper. - Billy Wilder

I wanted this to be a movie on TV so I could press the off button and make it all go away. - Michelle Rowen

One of the most important gifts we have in television - the ability to heal through laughter. - Soleil M Frye

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

By eating many fruits and vegetables in place of fast food and junk food, people could avoid obesity. - David H Murdock

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. - Milton Berle

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of the television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. - Johnny Carson

Indians are the second largest population in the world, but we're invisible on TV - everything is either black or white. - Russell Peters

Why something in the public interest such as television news can be fought over, like a chain of hamburger stands, eludes me. - Jimmy Breslin

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

The perfect date for me would be staying at home, making a big picnic in bed, eating Wotsits and cookies while watching cable TV. - Kim Kardashian

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

Please promise me. If and when the day comes that I may forget who you are, please promise that you won't forget that I am still me. - Mara Botonis

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world. - Steven Wright

If you liberals keep gettin' your way - we're all gonna hear one big loud flush. The sound of the U.S. of A. goin' straight down the toilet. - Archie Bunker

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One. - Yakov Smirnoff

You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and the let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something. - Mitch Hedberg

When videotape came so a lot of movies that I do have a kind of afterlife in video. Things where movies that I do would come and go; they still come and go but you can go rent them and see them on TV. - Christopher Walken

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30. - Groucho Marx

I know that we shall meet problems along the way, but I'd far rather see for myself what's going on in the world outside, than rely on newspapers, television, politicians and religious leaders to tell me what I should be thinking. - Michael Palin

My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him. - Rita Rudner