Redneck Speed Bump

Unsafe at any speed. - Ralph Nader

Every bump is a bounce. - Robert Kraft

Afford: Popular type of car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

OK, so what's the speed of dark? - Steven Wright

Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead! - David Farragut

The speed of a runaway horse counts for nothing. - Jean Cocteau

In skating over thin ice our safety is in our speed. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy. - Von Clausewitz

I am not a speed reader.
I am a speed understander. - Isaac Asimov

The speed of the leader determines the rate of the pack. - Wayne Lukas

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. - Steven Wright

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

When you're over the hill, that's when you pick up speed. - Quincy Jones

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

We all thought we'd have flying cars by now, but we don't. - Dana Brunetti

Our separation from each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. - Albert Einstein

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

You got to have smelt a lot of mule manure before you can sing like a hillbilly. - Hank Williams

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. - George Bernard Shaw

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure. - Scott Adams

Golden Age: When the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

Police officers may drive black and white cars, however what goes on in their job is a lot of gray. - Arik Matson

If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler

I took a speed reading course and read "War and Peace" in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. - Woody Allen

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen

Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke

If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 2,000 MPG. - Bill Gates

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

Love easily confuses us because it is always in flux between illusion and substance, between memory and wish, between contentment and need. - Tom Robbins

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright