Prepared Cyclist

Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

In wine, there is the truth. - Pliny the Elder

Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

Adventure is the champagne of life. - G K Chesterton

When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle. - Steven Wright

Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas

I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown

Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown

Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. - Irina Dunn

I should never have switched from Scotch to martinis. - Humphrey Bogart

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields

There was a sound in their voices which suggested rum. - Robert Louis Sevenson

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst

You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini. - Mae West

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin

We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine. - Eduardo Galeano

Whenever I see an adult on a bicycle I have hope for the human race. - H G Wells

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

Too much of anything is bad. Too much of good whisky is barely enough. - Mark Twain

I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown

What do you call a cyclist who doesn't wear a helmet? An organ donor. - David Perry

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving. - Albert Einstein

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts. - Samuel Johnson

A gorilla with a cellphone riding a bicycle is bound to generate some clever captions. - Steve Breen

I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker

Life is like riding a bicycle. You don't fall off unless you plan to stop pedaling. - Claude Pepper

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch. - George Burns

When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks. - George Burns

When a man who is drinking neat gin starts talking about his mother he is past all argument. - C.S. Forester

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

I took lessons in bicycle riding. But I could only afford half of them. Now I can ride a unicycle. - Steven Wright

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. - Pat Paulsen

You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott

I have made an important discovery - that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. - Oscar Wilde

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do. - P.J. O'Rourke

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

People are often quite surprised by the sport and leisure activities practised by the blind. For example, tandem cycling is very popular. - Andrea Bocelli

Morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey, to be preserved in cells. - William Taylor

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster