Oh Christmas Weed, Oh Christmas Weed

Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

A weed is no more than a flower in disguise. - James Lowell

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Gladly accept the gifts of the present hour. - Horace

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

Your children need your presence more than your presents. - Jesse Jackson

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue. - Virginia Woolf

Mexican marijuana, which he called the schoolboy's consolation. - James Purdy

Violence is like a weed - it does not die even in the greatest drought. - Simon Wiesenthal

Opportunity does not knock. It presents itself when you beat down the door. - Unknown

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows. - Doug Larson

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

When asked what gift he wanted for his birthday, the yogi replied: I wish no gifts, only presence. - Unknown

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

We are each given a limitless capacity to love and attain wisdom. The extent we use these gifts is our choice. - Anthony Douglas

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

I think people need to be educated to the fact that marijuana is not a drug. Marijuana is a flower. God put it here. - Willie Nelson

We are all born with a grab bag on gifts and gaps. Identify your true talents, then find out how to use them to make money. - Bill O'Reilly

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

A rose can say "I love you",
Orchids can enthrall,
But a weed bouquet in a chubby fist,
Yes, that says it all. - Unknown

Unrest of spirit is a mark of life; one problem after another presents itself and in the solving of them we can find our greatest pleasure. - Kal Menninger

I definitely believe marijuana helps with menstruation. Since I started smoking pot, my girlfriend’s period has become painless for me. - Randy Kagan

Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Lord Francis Bacon