#1 humor site on the 'net

Hollandaise Holiday

Eggs Benedict served on a hubcap

Hollandaise Holiday thanks to Marian Renstrom

QuotaBills
Enema: Not a friend. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Surfers have the most attitude. - Shaun White

Hope is the dream of the waking man. - French Proverb

A mother's love endures through all. - Washington Irving

Tailor Shop: Last of the big-time menders - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

It is not length of life, but depth of life. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have sometimes been an emotional Chernobyl. - Liza Minnelli

Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost

If the skies fall, one may hope to catch larks. - Francois Rabelais

Heaven is home. Utopia is here. Nirvana is now. - Edward Abbey

Vanish: An invisible substance you paint on fences - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The secret to having it all is knowing you already do. - Unknown

The childhood shows the man, as morning shows the day. - John Milton

The more wonderful the meeting, the sadder the parting. - Pokemon

It's the final straw that broke the camel's back. - English Proverb

Where there is no hope, it is incumbent on us to invent it. - Albert Camus

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Unknown

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too? - George Carlin

Those who cannot remember the past are destined to repeat it. - George Santayana

Valentine's Day is like Armistice Day - you declare a truce. - Milton Berle

There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. - Mark Twain

The shortest distance between two points is usually under repair. - Unknown

Q: What was your motivation for this piece?
A: The due date. - Judah Defries

If his IQ slips any lower, we'll have to water him twice a day. - Molly Ivins

Just because you're offended doesn't mean you're right. - Ricky Gervais

It is to their crimes that great men are indebted for their palaces. - Latin Proverb

Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. - Thomas Jefferson

Forget aging. If you're six feet above ground, it's a good day. - Faith Hill

I don't judge success by what I once did, but by what I keep doing. - Johnny Kelley

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day. - Jay Leno

Those who love peace must learn to organize as well as those who love war. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

If thou art a master, sometimes be blind; if a servant, sometimes be deaf. - Thomas Fuller

The beautiful thing about learning is that no one can take it away from you. - B.B. King

The reason the way of the transgressor is hard is because it's so crowded. - Kin Hubbard

You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality. - Ayn Rand

A memory is what is left when something happens and does not completely unhappen. - Edward de Bono

What we do today, right now, will have an accumulated effect on all our tomorrows. - Alexandra Stoddard

Sometimes your best feelings are found in the words which you type and never send. - Unknown

I have always thought that foreign-policy idealism has to be tempered with realism. - William Hague

To be who you are and become what you are capable of is the only goal worth living. - Alvin Ailey

If I've learned nothing else, it's that time and practice equal achievement. - Andre Agassi

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

Don't let someone who gave up on their dreams, talk you out of going after yours. - Zig Ziglar

I have been all things unholy; if God can work through me, He can work through anyone. - St Francis of Assisi

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. - Oscar Wilde

I object to people running down the future. I intend to live the rest of my life there. - Charles F Kettering

The best way to find out whether you're on the right path? Stop looking at the path. - Marcus Buckingham

A slip of the foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the tongue you may never get over. - Benjamin Franklin

Lawyers are like the knights of old. You can use them to plunder other people's stuff. - Gene Gordon

The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy. - Milton Berle

Wine makes a man more pleased with himself. I do not say it makes him more pleasing to others. - Samuel Johnson

Love is not only the story of butterflies or birds; it is also the story of jackals and hounds. - M.F. Moonzajer

Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless. - Thomas Edison

Management by objective works - if you know the objectives. Ninety percent of the time you don't. - Peter F Drucker

I just want to make pictures that are entertaining. I'll leave the scenery chewing to someone else. - Alan Ladd

He felt now that he was not simply close to her, but that he did not know where he ended and she began. - Leo Tolstoy

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? - Woody Allen

The antidote to frustration is a calm faith, not in your own cleverness, or in hard toil, but in God's guidance. - Norman Vincent Peale

New Zealand was one of the most beautiful countries to drive through for the scenery and the vast scale of the place. - Louise Nurding

The first requisite of a good citizen in this republic of ours is that he shall be able and willing to pull his weight. - Theodore Roosevelt

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared. - Unknown

When I was a kid, one cop could have taken care of the whole neighborhood. Now, one cop wouldn't be safe in the neighborhood. - Mike Royko

I am weird, you are weird. Everyone in this world is weird. One day, two people come together in mutual weirdness and fall in love. - Dr. Seuss

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended - and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended. - Robert Frost

When you hear people making hateful comments, stand up to them. Point out what a waste it is to hate, and you could open their eyes. - Taylor Swift


Jack-A-Lope vs Jack-E-Lope

Urleen

Carry On or Carrion?

Selfie Pilot

Monarch Butterflies - Starting a Monarchy

Air Couch

Europe Road Trip

Thongthing Special

Nighttime Graffiti

Baby Formula

Kid Suction

Redneck Moving Truck

Critter Control

Lost Dog

Nail Chair

Looking For Something?

Yellow Pet

Race Break

Fuse Bypass

Good Boy

British Tea Party

Roadside Assistance

Chair Boy

Cheers Beer