#1 humor site on the 'net

Guarded Nights

Bussine gaurds only work part-time here

Guarded Nights thanks to Mary Ellis

Business alarm security systems to part-time companies

QuotaBills
If you've got a talent, protect it. - Jim Carrey

It is not death that alarms me, but dying. - Michel De Montaigne

Those who trade liberty for security have neither. - John Adams

Lawyers are men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers. - Elbert Hubbard

A woman's best protection is a little money of her own. - Clare B Luce

There is no security in this life. There is only opportunity. - Douglas MacAurthur

Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything else you do. - Unknown

The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking. - John Kenneth Galbraith

Security is mostly a superstition. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. - Helen Keller

When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell

I wear a fun sock when I travel to give the security staff a well-deserved chuckle. - Chelsea Peretti

Real joy seems to me almost as unlike security or prosperity as it is unlike agony. - C S Lewis

Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age. - Jeanne Moreau

You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness. - Jonathan S Foer

Of all the tasks of government, the most basic is to protect its citizens from violence. - John Foster Dulles

A man's own good breeding is the best security against other people's ill manners. - Lord Chesterfield

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. - Doug Larson

The game is played not to protect the rules; rather, the rules are made to protect the game. - Ravi Zacharias

I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection. - Sigmund Freud

What a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of man he is. - C S Lewis

The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts; therefore guard accordingly. - Marcus Aurelius

I do not think there is any silver bullet to solving the technology side of the security equation. - John W. Thompson

Hard work is the soundest investment. It provides a neat security for your widow's next husband. - Unknown

If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen

To say I'm an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair. - Tina Fey

My parents live in a retirement community, which is basically a minimum-security prison with a golf course. - Joel Warshaw

The only security men can have for their political liberty, consists in keeping their money in their own pockets. - Lysander Spooner

Tariff: A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer. - Ambrose Bierce

People confuse amassing money with security, but it is not so. What a pity to confuse real security with making money. - Billy Graham

Lock up your libraries if you like; but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind. - Virginia Woolf

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. - Mark Twain

Enthusiasm is the best protection in any situation. Wholeheartedness is contagious. Give yourself if you wish to get others. - David Seabury

You don't learn to hold your own in the world by standing on guard, but by attacking and getting well hammered yourself. - George Bernard Shaw

As an experienced artist, I carry my work like a secret pregnancy. I am always aware of inner life and the need to protect it. - Julia Cameron

Accountant: 1. A noble insect; 2. A dutiful book balancer whose role within a corporation is to protect it from creative ideas. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My best security is within the munitions of an immutable Jehovah, where His unalterable promises stand like giant walls of rock. - Charles H Spurgeon

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. - Oscar Ameringer

Love as powerful as your mother's for you leaves its own mark ... to have been loved so deeply ... will give us some protection forever. - J K Rowling

Social Security's not the hard one to solve. Medicare, that is the gorilla in the room, and you've got to put all of it on the table. - Joe Biden

Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness. - George Sand


Sinus Remedy - How To Clear Out Your Nostrils

Auto Strap

Never Run a Red Light

Bee Safe

Hummers Only Look Tough

Tactical Texas

Defence Budget Cuts

Welfare State

No Flies On Me

Stick Family Meal

Wet Floor

Lord Of The Watch

Close Encounters of the Whale Kind

Military Watch Tower

No Go Intersection

Public Transportation In Scotland

Guarded Nights

Financial Meltdown

Fox Kabob

Microwaved Bulb... Watts You Won't See

Saks-e Parking Job

Griller Bees

Texting While Cycling

Redneck Manicure