#1 humor site on the 'net

Food Inflation

Raisin' grapes on the farm

Food Inflation thanks to Nicola Oakley

Fruitarian - one who only eats things that have fallen from a tree and are in fact already dead

QuotaBills
I hid myself in food. - Gordon Ramsay

Photographing a cake can be art. - Irving Penn

Cranberries: Grapes with hypertension - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Queuing tips for fans: wrap up and bring food! - Niall Horan

Char: Common method of cooking over a campfire - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I am putting real plums into an imaginary cake. - Mary McCarthy

I'm tired of recipes assuming I have a stove. - Kevin Farzad

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

I just love Chinese food. My favorite dish is number 27. - Clement Attlee

I don't even butter my bread. I consider that cooking. - Katherine Cebrian

Food, love, mother and career: the four basic guilt groups. - Cathy Guisewite

In France, cooking is a serious art form and a national sport. - Julia Child

Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day

Chemically speaking, chocolate really is the world's perfect food. - Michael Levine

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. - Bob Hope

A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges. - Benjamin Franklin

The best comfort food will always be greens, cornbread, and fried chicken. - Maya Angelou

Apple: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

What else is there to live for? Chinese food and women. There is nothing else! - Dudley Moore

Always give them the old fire, even when you feel like a squashed cake of ice. - Ethel Merman

When I get a little money, I buy books. If any is left, I buy food and clothes. - Erasmus

Some wines improve with age, but only if the grapes were good in the first place. - Abigail Van Buren

We need more young people involved in farming because the future needs real food. - Helena Sylvester

An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed. - A.J. Liebling

When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking. - Gail Sheehy

I always thought that bagels and lox was my soul food, but it turns out it's sushi. - Sara Sheridan

We have always said that advertising is just the icing on the cake. It is not the cake. - Meg Whitman

The less Holy Spirit we have, the more cake and coffee we need to keep the church going. - Reinhard Bonnke

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

I need to tone up, as I eat a lot of fast food. I love Maccy D's, Subway and Domino's. - Amy Childs

Everything slows down with age. Except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips. - John Wagner

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose. - Garrison Keillor

Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation. - Homer Simpson

What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you. - Nora Ephron

No matter what the recipe, any baker can do wonders in the kitchen with some good ingredients and an upbeat attitude. - Buddy Valastro

I like simple food, seasoned with just salt, pepper, oil and vinegar. Complicated food and complicated lives are never good. - Sirio Maccioni

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' - Jerry Seinfeld

Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. - Red Skelton

How is it that mercury is not safe for food additives and Over the Counter drug products, but it is safe in our vaccines and dental amalgams? - Dan Burton

I like a quiet evening with family or friends over, great food and great discussion, and a lot of laughter. That's really what fills my tank. - Anna Eshoo


Ancient Politician

My Toaster Is Broken

Shining Stars

Tunnel Face

The Bugs Are Bad This Year

Dog Spa

Ostrich Imprint

Local Crabs

World's First Hard Hat

Bird Melons

Bag Hang-Up

LippoPotumus

Haircut For Staff Meetings

Wolf Mode

Undertaker Bike

Throwaway Sport Paper

Pacman Skeleton

Vatican City's New Breakfast Special

Flying Cathedral Excuse

Day At The Beach

John The Baptist Souvenirs

Amish Prom Limo

Wishy-Washy Church

'Cover Girl' Magazine