#1 humor site on the 'net

Fast Type

Never argue with a faster person on the internet

Fast Type thanks to Chris Hagan

How to text faster

QuotaBills
Tot Rod: A fast tricycle - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Live deep instead of fast. - Henry Seidel Canby

Afford: Popular type of car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I go slower as time goes faster. - Mason Cooley

Move fast with stable infrastructure. - Mark Zuckerberg

The faster you go, the shorter you are. - Albert Einstein

B-Negative: A pessimist's blood type - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

That's not writing, that's typing. - Truman Capote

Tabloids: Fast reading for the slow-thinking - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Wisely, and slow. They stumble that run fast. - William Shakespeare

Wisely and slowly; they stumble that run fast. - William Shakespeare

Moving fast is not the same as going somewhere. - Robert Anthony

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. - Steven Wright

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly. - Unknown

If you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast. - Woody Allen

Law of the Supermarket: The other line moves faster. - Unknown

A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast. - Groucho Marx

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. - Brian Mullin

Live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking corpse. - Irene L. Luce

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. - Harrison Ford

Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay as long as truth. - Will Rogers

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor. - Unknown

You don't have good grammar when you type with your fists. - C.F. Payne

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type. - Phyllis Diller

Drive slow and enjoy the scenery. Drive fast and join the scenery. - Douglas Horton

If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower. - Mitch Hedberg

Here's a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous. - Henny Youngman

Want to walk fast, walk alone.
Want to walk far, walk together. - African Proverb

What is destructive is impatience, haste, expecting too much too fast. - May Sarton

The true function of age is memory. I'm recording as fast as I can. - Rita Mae Brown

Our waking hours form the text of our lives, our dreams, the commentary. - Unknown

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough. - Mario Andretti

Pray that success will not come any faster than you are able to endure it. - Elbert Hubbard

The trees in Siberia are miles apart - that's why the dogs are so fast. - Bob Hope

Don't run as hard as you can - run as fast as you can without straining. - Jack Daniels

Just because someone has fancy sneakers doesn't mean they can run faster. - Jon Bon Jovi

People forget how fast you did a job - but they remember how well you did it. - Howard Newton

We have bitten off more than we can chew, but we'll chew as fast as we can. - Ian Holloway

Nothing will kill a great employee faster than watching you tolerate a bad one. - Perry Belcher

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best

The Type 2 diabetic said to the Type 1 diabetic, 'You're so juvenile.' - Unknown

Sometimes your best feelings are found in the words which you type and never send. - Unknown

Type faster. (when he was asked what he would do if he only had six months to live) - Isaac Asimov

That's the fastest time ever run - but it's not as fast as the world record. - David Coleman

These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. - Sam Snead

Why endeavor to straighten the road of life? The faster we travel, the less there is to see. - Helen Hayes

I want flowers, I don't want to text. What does that make me? What kind of dinosaur am I? - Jennifer Garner

I need to tone up, as I eat a lot of fast food. I love Maccy D's, Subway and Domino's. - Amy Childs

In a marathon, if you run too fast, you get exhausted. If you run too slow, you never make it. - Uday Kotak

The secret to my success is that I bit off more than I could chew and chewed as fast as I could. - Paul Hogan

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. - Ferris Bueller

By eating many fruits and vegetables in place of fast food and junk food, people could avoid obesity. - David H Murdock

If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler

They say I'm old-fashioned, and live in the past, but sometimes I think progress progresses too fast! - Dr. Seuss

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast. - Steven Wright

In conclusion, the arms of others either fall from your back, or they weigh you down, or they bind you fast. - Niccolo Machiavelli

The pumpkin hearing, "Let's carve and scoop,"
Ran fast as he could, leaving pumpkin poop. - Shirley Thomas

"Officer, I know I was going faster than 55 MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour." - Steven Wright

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

Do not attack me with your watch. A watch is always too fast or too slow. I cannot be dictated to by a watch. - Jane Austen

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better. - A.J. Liebling

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? - George Carlin

In Hollywood, you play a mom, and the next thing you know, you're on The Golden Girls. They age you so fast. - Gabrielle Union

Bruce Lee's fast pace, Jet Li's pretty style and Jet Li's acrobatics combine with Muay Thai for my own style. - Tony Jaa

History is a relentless master. It has no present, only the past rushing into the future. To try to hold fast is to be swept aside. - John F Kennedy

Enjoy your age before it's past; Don't try to be 18 so fast. You're only 14 once, my dears, but you'll be 35 for years. - Elinor K. Rose

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe

As people spin faster and faster in the pursuit of merely personal happiness, they become exhausted in the futile effort of chasing themselves. - Andrew Delbanco


Tourist Baggage

Amish Sailboat

Aging Cyclist

Best Tea Cup

Shoddy Goaltending - Not

Roller Derby Princess

Redneck Hotter Tub

Walk The Line

Sidewalk Jammies

Senior Center Reminder

Time Of Day

Waiting Is Good

Solar Charging

Submergible

Fast Closure

Penalty Shot

Redneck Date

Non-Hot Dog

Unattended Children

Open Goal Forgiveness

Double Your Vision

How To Become A Pirate

He Did It

HorseBack Riding