Driverless Mercedes

There are no traffic jams on the extra mile. - Zig Ziglar

Traffic Ticket: Finale of the policeman's bawl - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. - David Letterman

Stress should be a powerful driving force, not an obstacle. - Bob Phillips

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

Safety Belt: The one you don't drink before driving home - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

Destiny is a Paris driver pushing a taxicab with my name on it. - Frank Dane

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

A careful driver is one who honks his horn when he goes through a red light. - Henry Morgan

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead. - Mac McCleary

When I got outta High School I was driving a truck. I was just a poor boy from Memphis. - Elvis Presley

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Life as pool table,
White is focus,
Others, targets.
Stick is your driving force! - Stricketer

HonkoSecond: The time between the light turning green and the sound from the car horn behind you - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Golden Age: When the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Police officers may drive black and white cars, however what goes on in their job is a lot of gray. - Arik Matson

When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

Truck Driver: 1. A man who has the opportunity to run into so many nice people; 2. A guy who goes the route. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Poverty: 1. A state of mind sometimes induced by a neighbour's new car; 2. One thing that money can't buy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? - George Carlin

The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

She ran after the garbage truck yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
The driver said, "No, jump in!" - Red Skelton

There is a blessed necessity by which the interest of men is always driving them to the right, and making all crime mean and ugly. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

Eating a tuna roll at a sushi restaurant should be considered no more environmentally benign than driving a Hummer or harpooning a manatee. - Daniel Pauly

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright