#1 humor site on the 'net

Double Your Vision

The Sign of an Optimistic Optometric Bartender

Double Your Vision thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Carrots may be good for your eyes, but booze will double your vision

QuotaBills
Optical: When your eyes itch - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. - Douglas Adams

Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

I have such poor vision I can date anybody. - Garry Shandling

Vision is the art of seeing things invisible. - Jonathan Swift

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. - Jim Carrey

What a strange illusion to suppose that beauty is goodness. - Leo Tolstoy

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. - Albert Einstein

I look in the mirror through the eyes of the child that was me. - Judy Collins

What'd ya think, you were gonna pull the wolf over my eyes? - Archie Bunker

Some of my best friends are illusions. Been sustaining me for years. - Sheila Ballantyne

Collaborate with others who share you vision to see the bigger picture. - Richard Branson

Never say never because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion. - Michael Jordan

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. - Sally Field

There is so much in the world for us all if we only have the eyes to see it. - L M Montgomery

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. - George Best

I have looked into your eyes with my eyes. I have put my heart near your heart. - Pope John XXIII

Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Vision without action is hallucination.
Action without vision is random activity. - Unknown

We are as much as we see. Faith is sight and knowledge. The hands only serve the eyes. - Henry David Thoreau

Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump

Our eyes are placed in front because it is more important to look ahead than to look back. - Unknown

We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality. - Irish Murdoch

Music brings a warm glow to my vision, thawing mind and muscle from their endless wintering. - Haruki Murakami

Feedback: The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches awaiting Easter. - Fran Lebowitz

The illusion that the times that were are better than those that are has probably pervaded all ages. - Horace Greeley

Be good, keep your feet dry, your eyes open, your heart at peace, and your soul in the joy of Christ. - Thomas Merton

Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be attained only by someone who is detached. - Simone Weil

The only way to write a great book is to write it with the eyes of a child who sees things for the first time. - Arnold Bennett

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

Everybody shares one universal problem. To succeed you have to persuade others to support your vision, dream or cause. - Peter Guber

I love thee - I love thee,
'Tis all that I can say
It is my vision in the night,
My dreaming in the day. - Thomas Hood

I have made an important discovery - that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. - Oscar Wilde

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. - Carl Jung

A vision without a task makes a visionary.
A task without a vision is drudgery.
A vision with a task makes a missionary. - Samuel Chadwick

I adore art. When I am alone with my notes, my heart pounds and the tears stream from my eyes, and my emotion and my joys are too much to bear. - Guiseppe Verdi

Those who speak of progression but are afraid of change are self-repressed and therefore unable to reach any further than their eyes can already see. - Criss Jami

The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it. - Thucydides

Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown


How To Float

Redneck Tank Top

Grasping Shirt

Detroit Counterfeit Bill

Hazardous Delivery

Log Out - Here It Comes!

Search and Rescue - Dry Run

Staff Teeth

Media Bondage

How Cumulus Clouds Are Formed

Sports Hernias

Low Expectation Autographs

The Moist Wet Territories

Cat Doormat

Redneck Foosball

Shining Stars

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Bach Flip

Apathy Mountain

My Toaster Is Broken

Solemate

Double Vision

Please Help My Car

Adultery