#1 humor site on the 'net

Doormat Spy

Personalized doormat sales are looking up this year

Doormat Spy thanks to Keith Blake

Bubba installed his own home alarm system

QuotaBills
Chewie, we're home. - Star Wars: The Force Awakens

When one door shuts, a hundred open. - Spanish Proverb

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Without love, the rich and poor live in the same house. - Unknown

You see much more of your children once they leave home. - Lucille Ball

While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. - Unknown

Better a hundred enemies outside the house than one inside. - Arabic proverb

It's a sad house where the hen crows louder than the cock. - Scottish Proverb

A house with old furniture has no need of ghosts to be haunted. - Hope Mirrlees

Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away. - Benjamin Franklin

I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas. - Hillary Clinton

At worst, a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived. - Rose Macaulay

Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in. - Robert Frost

On stage I make love to twenty five thousand people; and then I go home alone. - Janis Joplin

Temptation usually comes in through a door that has been deliberately left open. - Arnold Glasgow

My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs. - Steven Wright

The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door. - Demetri Martin

What is the use of a house if you haven’t got a tolerable planet to put it on? - Henry David Thoreau

I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. - Phyllis Diller

The present moment is the only moment available to us, and it is the door to all moments. - Thich Nhat Hanh

Be grateful for the home you have, knowing that at this moment, all you have is all you need. - Sarah B Breathnach

Maybe I'd like to run around the house in my drawers, and with her here, I felt inhabited. - Archie Bunker

It's not my fault I was dragged out of my house by a mob and forced to predict the weather. - Punxsutawney Phil

When I go home, I play with my baby dolls and strollers and diaper bags, and play with my sisters. - Dakota Fanning

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax - tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough. - Pearl Williams

A woman should cleave into her husband. Right here in this house is where Edith's cleavage belongs. - Archie Bunker

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. - Joan Crawford

Can we be casual in the work of God—casual when the house is on fire, and people in danger of being burned? - Duncan Campbell

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of the tires. - Dorothy Parker

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. - Joe Ryan

I could dance with you till the cows come home...
on second thought, I'll dance with the cows till you come home. - Groucho Marx

The primary purpose of a home is to reflect and to distribute the love of Christ. Anything that usurps that is idolatrous. - Ravi Zacharias

The most dangerous person of the world is a member of the United States Congress just home from a three-day fact-finding trip. - Johnny Isakson

Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home. - David Frost

Every woman's dream is that a man will take her in his arms, throw her into bed... and clean the whole house while she sleeps. - Unknown

The worst thing about work in the house or home is that whatever you do it is destroyed, laid waste or eaten within twenty-four hours. - Lady Hasluck

Home is a name, a word, it is a strong one; stronger than magician ever spoke, or spirit ever answers to, in the strongest conjuration. - Charles Dickens

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home. - Winston Churchill


We Is Closed

'Underneath That' Cake

Snowy Owl Substitute

I Can Still Kiss You

Water Break

Bach Scratching

How Many Eggs?

Head Games

Guitar Farm

Balloon Advertising for Exploding Results

Is Your Diaper Full?

Banjo Mute

Pigeon Target Practice

Swine Flew

Flat Earth Dilemma

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Twin Dish

Alien Smuggling

Tobacco Smoke Enema

Star Wars Day

Wet Nose Fixer

May The 4th Be With You

Is Laughter The Best Medicine?

Star Wars Computer