#1 humor site on the 'net

Diet Pills

Upside-down Weight Watcher plan

Diet Pills thanks to Roy Turkington

QuotaBills
Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker

Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

Diets are mainly food for thought. - N Wylie Jones

A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands. - Unknown

My diet is like Atkins, but with the carbs. - BJ Penn

Tears at times have all the weight of speech. - Ovid

I'm not gaining weight. I'm living large. - Unknown

The more you weight the harder you are to kidnap. - Unknown

My weight is perfect for my height - which varies. - Unknown

Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it. - Unknown

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx

Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome

Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter

I don't diet, I just don't eat as much as I'd like to. - Linda Evangelista

Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. - Totie Fields

No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated by any other means. - Maimonides

I gotta lose weight, Edith. I hope you remembered my diuretic cottage cheese. - Archie Bunker

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. - Dave Barry

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. - Jackie Gleason

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith

A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else... even the fact that I'm on a diet. - Barbara Brooke

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. - Jean Kerr

Confidence is beautiful, no matter your size, no matter your weight. Be confident in who you are and you'll be beautiful. - Unknown

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain

The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. - Edward I Kock


Go Winterized

Car Igloo

Hen Pecked

It's Movie Time

In The Dog House

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Diaper Change

Palestinian Security Check

Wurst-Case Scenario

High-Rise Inifinity Pool

Winter Kayaking

Balanced Family Life

Closed Ahead

Forgettable Fishing Trips

I've Got Your Back

Dr Pepper Financing

Wine Therapy

Weakest Part

Cycle Circles

My New Diet

We Is Closed

Cheap Child Support

Ankle Warning

Peanut Sale