#1 humor site on the 'net

Despicable Wood Stove

Even outdoor fireplaces get hungry

Despicable Wood Stove thanks to Dick Brighton, North Vancouver, B.C.

Despicable Me outdoor barbeques are a gas!

QuotaBills
Add not fire to fire. - Greek proverb

Genius is initiative on fire. - Holbrook Jackson

Follow the grain in your own wood. - Howard Thurman

Love in its essence is spiritual fire. - Emanuel Swedenborg

Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke. - Benjamin Disraeli

Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Newly Hatched Termites: Babes in the wood - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Tweezers: A tool for removing wood splinters - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Content is fire and social media is gasoline. - Jay Baer

Dialogue: Changing the colour of a piece of wood - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Since the house is on fire let us warm ourselves. - Italian Proverb

I'm tired of recipes assuming I have a stove. - Kevin Farzad

Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice. - Robert Frost

Tell the men to fire faster and not give up the ship. - Captain James Lawrence

We must rekindle the fire of idealism in our society. - Joe Biden

Whittle By Whittle: How to carve a statue out of wood - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If someone's lying, are their pants really on fire? - Jerry Seinfeld

Words are only painted fire; a book is the fire itself. - Mark Twain

A chip on the shoulder is a sure sign of wood higher up. - Brigham Young

Love is friendship set on fire. Hate is friendship burned. - Jeremy Taylor

People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes. - Abigail Van Buren

The Irish seem to have more fire about them than the Scots. - Sean Connery

You'll never be as lazy as whoever names the fireplace. - Unknown

The inner fire is the most important thing mankind possesses. - Edith Sodergran

So comes snow after fire, and even dragons have their endings. - JRR Tolkien

By the time I have money to burn, my fire will have burnt out. - Unknown

Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds. - Buddha

The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled. - Plutarch

She's mad but she's magic. There's no lie in her fire. - Charles Bukowski

Xylophonist: A superstitious person who goes around knocking on wood - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. - Steven Wright

Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The mind is not a vessel that needs filling but wood that needs igniting. - Plutarch

Athlete: A dignified bunch of muscles, unable to split wood or sift ashes - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. - Dave Barry

Pajamas: Items of clothing that newlyweds place beside the bed in case of fire - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

No amount of facts in his head can compensate for the lack of fire on his lips. - Vance Havner

As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words. - William Shakespeare

We feel free when we escape - even when it be from the frying pan into the fire. - Eric Hoffer

Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant. - Mitchell Kapor

I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can't see the stove. - Groucho Marx

From such crooked wood as that which man is made of, nothing straight can be fashioned. - Immanuel Kant

Some preachers ought to put more fire into their sermons or more sermons into the fire. - Vance Havner

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. - Steven Wright

Before enlightenment: chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment: chop wood, carry water. - Zen Buddhist Saying

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. - Unknown

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? - George Carlin

This momentous question, like a fire bell in the night, awakened and filled me with terror. - Thomas Jefferson

A statistician can have his head in the oven and his feet in ice, and on average he feels fine. - Unknown

Trials function like a fire that burns off every impurity impeding our progress towards holiness. - David Jeremiah

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? - Unknown

Just 'cause there's snow in the basement don't mean there ain't no fire in the roof! - Archie Bunker

You get the best effort from others not by lighting a fire beneath them, but by building a fire within. - Bob Nelson

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. - Robert Frost

Wood: That remarkable material which burns so easily in a forest and with such difficulty in a fireplace - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven. - Bill Bryson

Can we be casual in the work of God—casual when the house is on fire, and people in danger of being burned? - Duncan Campbell

Years steal fire from the mind as vigor from the limb; and life's enchanted cup but sparkles near the brim. - Lord Byron

The two things that are going to make you a better baker without even trying are a scale and a thermometer in your oven. - Tom Douglas

Motivation is a fire from within. If someone else tries to light that fire under you, chances are it will burn very briefly. - Stephen R. Covey

I have a microwave fireplace in my house... The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes. - Steven Wright

In case of fire, don't panic. Simply flee the building with the same reckless abandon that occurs each day at quitting time. - Don Delcourt

You don't have to say everything to be a light. Sometimes a fire built on a hill will bring interested people to your campfire. - Shannon L. Alder

At fifty, the madwoman in the attic breaks loose, stomps down the stairs, and sets fire to the house. She won't be imprisoned anymore. - Erica Jong

To have a curable illness and to leave it untreated except for prayer is like sticking your hand in a fire and asking God to remove the flame. - Sandra L. Douglas

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home. - Edith Sitwell

Well, yes, I've fired a lot of people. Generally I like other people to fire, because it's always a lousy task. But I have fired many people. - Donald Trump

Some primal termite knocked on wood,
And tasted it, and found it good;
That is why your Cousin May
Fell through the parlor floor today. - Ogden Nash

I'm always tinkering with something - suddenly I'll think I can work with wood, but then I'll realize I can't, so I go back to sewing. - Melissa McCarthy


2022 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Manitoba Kickstand

Puzzle Ad

Winter Driving in Canada

Coffee Morning

Slide-n-Freeze

Slip Sliding Away

Canadian Smart Car

Winter SOS

East Coast Winter Graffiti

Handstand Snowman

We're Not Gonna Take It

Vinyl Richie

Karma Towing

Red Wine Diet

Snow Geese

Family Birthday Reminder

The Circular File

Pair Tree

'Top Down' Snow Removal

Winter Kayaking

Mustache Breeze

Something Positive

Snowstorm Closure