Cook Ring

I eat swiss cheese from the inside out. - Steven Wright

I've seen better fights at a wedding. - Harry Redknapp

Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender monkeys. - Groundskeeper Willie

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. - Georg C. Lichtenberg

Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce

If you marry for money you will earn every penny. - Dr. Phil McGraw

What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone? - Bertoit Brecht

Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges

The woman cries before the wedding and the man after. - Polish Proverb

There is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose. - Oscar Wilde

In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner

There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Unknown

The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington

Before you marry keep both eyes open; after marriage shut one. - Jamaican Proverb

The key to success? Work hard, stay focused and marry a Kennedy. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. - Groucho Marx

The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. - Amy Grant

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx

I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. - Red Skelton

Tenderness is greater proof of love than the most passionate of vows. - Marlene Dietrich

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

I gotta lose weight, Edith. I hope you remembered my diuretic cottage cheese. - Archie Bunker

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring. - Jeff Foxworthy

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Inside of a ring or out, ain't nothing wrong with going down. It's staying down that's wrong. - Muhammad Ali

When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. - Robert Frost

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. - Elayne Boosler

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

Poverty is an anomaly to rich people. It is very difficult to make out why people who want dinner do not ring the bell. - Walter Bagehot

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the only miracle the Vatican has overlooked. - Bill Cosby

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx