Cook Ring

Marry money. - Max Shulman

I married beneath me. All women do. - Lady Nancy Astor

Knewlyweds: Second marriage for both - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

To marry the Irish is to look for poverty. - J.P. Donleavy

Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender monkeys. - Groundskeeper Willie

Always say no, and you will never by married. - French Proverb

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. - Margot Asquith

There is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose. - Oscar Wilde

When you marry your mistress, you create a job vacancy. - James Goldsmith

Now a soft kiss; Aye, by that kiss, I vow an endless bliss. - John Keats

Worry is today's mice nibbling on tomorrow's cheese. - Unknown

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. - Red Skelton

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. - Mae West

A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. - Andre Maurois

Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields

I was going to marry a gardener, but he was too rough around the hedges. - Unknown

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

I've been married so long I'm on my third bottle of Tabasco sauce. - Susan Vass

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

Will you marry me? Do you have any money?
Answer the second question first. - Groucho Marx

I don't follow trends. I make each cake for a particular wedding, or event. - Ron Ben-Israel

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. - Gloria Steinem

A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. - John Steinbeck

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed. - Oscar Wilde

I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. - Phyllis Diller

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde

It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

I married for love. But the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored. - Cameron Esposito

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about. - Oscar Wilde

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

I formed a new group called Alcoholics-Unanimous. If you don't feel like a drink, you ring another member and he comes over to persuade you. - Richard Harris

If you never want to see a man again, just tell him, "I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have children." They leave skid marks. - Rita Rudner