#1 humor site on the 'net

Christmas Sidecar

Harvesting a Christmas tree in the good old days

Christmas Sidecar thanks to Vera Densen

QuotaBills
Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

Germs: The only things kids will share freely - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

With kids, the days are long, but the years are short. - John Leguizamo

You know what's cool? My kids think I'm ordinary. - Michael J. Fox

Harlez Vous Francais?: Can you drive a French motorcycle? - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best. - Bob Talbert

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Keep your bike in good repair: motorcycle boots are not comfortable for walking. - Unknown

All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Hopefully, kids realize you can do anything you want. Skateboarding can be that gateway. - Ryan Sheckler

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffett

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

Zucchini: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground. - Athol Fugard

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. - Erma Bombeck

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

You know you're a mom when you go to the store for yourself and come out with a bag of things for your kids. - Unknown

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

When it comes to hockey, it's been in my blood since I was 3 or 4 years old. I love coaching the kids, especially at that level. - Mario Lemieux

If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, 'keep away from children.' - Susan Savannah


Elephant Hand

Venice on a Shoestring Budget

New Truck Key

Spiderman's Car

Knife Throwing Act

Another Day In Traffic

Australian Cyclist

Garden Gnome

Mute Button

Pardon My French

Irish Pothole

Yoga Pants

Baby Illusion

Mother Wrench's Gripping Story

Sechelt Sunrays

Russian BiteLifter

Propane Diving

Scuba Diving Sucks

Louisiana Turtle Dogs

Special Offer

Parking Squeeze

Music Note Chairlift

Gangsta

Reformed Buddhists