Christmas Sidecar

Do your kids a favor - don't have any. - Robert Orben

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Goat Herder: A person who likes to work with kids - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

With kids, the days are long, but the years are short. - John Leguizamo

You know what's cool? My kids think I'm ordinary. - Michael J. Fox

Harlez Vous Francais?: Can you drive a French motorcycle? - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Juvenile Delinquency: Modern term for what we did as kids - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. - Red Buttons

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

Joy Of Motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the kids are in bed - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Spoiled Rotten: What the kids become after as little as 15 minutes with Grandma - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

Most motorcycle problems are caused by the nut that connects the handlebars to the saddle. - Unknown

Because: Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

Having kids is the ultimate job in life. I want to be most successful at being a good father. - Nick Lachey

Golden Age: When the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

I just want to make sure when I have kids, I can spend time with them. That's the whole point. - Mark Zuckerberg

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

You know you're a mom when you go to the store for yourself and come out with a bag of things for your kids. - Unknown

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

Having kids - the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings - is the biggest job anyone can embark on. - Maria Shriver

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar - Daffynitions joe-ks.com