#1 humor site on the 'net

Cellophane Parking

How to safety wrap your car for the holidays

Cellophane Parking thanks to Keith Blake

Big spiders have claimed another victim in this parking lot

QuotaBills
Afford: Popular type of car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Camelot: Parking area for humped animals - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Broom parking only; all others will be toad. - Unknown

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out. - Nicole Hollander

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

Have you ever heard a blindfolded octopus unwrap a cellophane-covered bathtub? - Norton Juster

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. - William Arthur Ward

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

HonkoSecond: The time between the light turning green and the sound from the car horn behind you - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

Education can get you the only thing that really matters in today's world - an assigned parking space. - Gene Perret

It is our art that has an opportunity to leave a footprint in the sand. They don't wrap fish in our work. - Hugh N Jacobsen

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz


Drift Racing

Alligators vs. Crocodiles

Cure for Internet Addiction

Seal LOL

Keyboard Seating

Illusive Dice

Cockroach Cancer

Time Management

People Crossing

Cozy Home

Redneck Faucet

Duck That Did Not Duck

Chewie, We're Home

Introducing the iPhone 20

Meateor

Ancient Shiloh

British Accountant

Ruling On Criticism

Going Into Space

Domino's Delivers Everywhere

Lord of the Wings

Crossed Wires

Monday Lisa

Pets Come First