#1 humor site on the 'net

Canadian Math

Disclaimer: hockey puck velocity may vary from rink to rink

Canadian Math thanks to Jerry VanHorne

In classical mechanics, linear momentum or translational momentum is the product of the mass and velocity of an object. In Canada, p=mv where p=puck, m=movement (as in towards an octopus), and v=velo city (in Newfoundland, eh)

QuotaBills
Canada was built on dead beavers. - Margaret Atwood

Theoretical physics is actually philosophy. - Max Born

Pedestrian: a man whose son is home from college. - Unknown

Academy: A modern school where football is taught - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I grew up working in Canada so everything was low budget. - Ellen Page

Mathematics is the science which uses easy words for hard ideas. - James Roy Newman

Example is the school of mankind, and they will learn at no other. - Edmund Burke

For me, baseball is more comparable to chess than it is to hockey. - Jeff Garlin

For our immediate family and relatives, Canada was a land of opportunity. - Sidney Altman

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius. - Edward Gibbon

When you think of hockey, when you think of Canada, you think of Wayne Gretzky. - Joe Sakic

Perhaps the most surprising thing about mathematics is that it is so surprising. - E.C. Titchmarsh

Let us grant that the pursuit of mathematics is a divine madness of the human spirit. - Alfred Whitehead

I'm not a hockey fan, which is probably why I had to leave Canada in the first place. - Ryan Reynolds

Coming from Canada, being a writer and Jewish as well, I have impeccable paranoia credentials. - Mordecai Richler

There are 3 kinds of people in this world: those who are good at math, and those who aren't. - Unknown

University: 1. A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand; 2. A mental institution. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Field hockey is my strongest sport, and if I lose a game, I take a long, hot bath and moan about it. - Emma Watson

Mathematics is distinguished from all other sciences except only ethics, in standing in no need of ethics. - Charles Peirce

Make no mistake. Canada is not a bilingual country. In fact it is less bilingual today than it has ever been. - Stephen Harper

Mathematics may be compared to a mill of exquisite workmanship, which grinds your stuff to any degree of fineness. - Thomas Huxley

Speed Limit: The velocity one must exceed by approximately 10 MPH on a major highway or risk being run off the road - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I love Canada. It makes a nice hat for America. When America runs out of water, it's the first place I'll go. - Ryan Reynolds

It is wrong to think that the task of physics is to find out how Nature is. Physics concerns what we say about Nature. - Niels Bohr

There are advantages to being President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret. - Ronald Reagan

Mathematics is indeed dangerous in that it absorbs students to such a degree that it dulls their senses to everything else. - Prinz zu Hohlenlohe-Ingelfingen Kraft

In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of nations - it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir. - Stuart Keate

Understand the key factors in the math behind viral marketing, and use those to figure out what it takes to get viral growth. - David Skok

Probably no symbol in mathematics has evoked as much mystery, romanticism, misconception and human interest as the number pi. - William L Schaaf

When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise. - Paula Poundstone

I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at four in the afternoon, I'd be a college graduate today. - George Foreman

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?" - Steven Wright

When it comes to hockey, it's been in my blood since I was 3 or 4 years old. I love coaching the kids, especially at that level. - Mario Lemieux

When I finished school, I took one of those career-aptitude tests, and based on my verbal ability score, they suggested I become a mime. - Tim Cavanagh

Mathematics is not a careful march down a well-cleared highway, but a journey into a strange wilderness where the explorers often get lost. - W.S. Anglin

I was named the Class Clown in the high school yearbook, so I was always turning to comedy and laughter to heal and to get me through things. - Guillermo Diaz

Mushroom: 1. A motel for quickies; 2. The place where they store the school food; 3. A room that has no sides, no walls, no doors and no ceilings. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I was thrown out of college during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final - I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen

If it's green, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it has numbers, it's math. If it doesn't work, it's technology. - Unknown


Undertaker Bike

Throwaway Sport Paper

Pacman Skeleton

Vatican City's New Breakfast Special

Flying Cathedral Excuse

Day At The Beach

John The Baptist Souvenirs

Amish Prom Limo

Wishy-Washy Church

'Cover Girl' Magazine

One At A Time

Shofar So Good

Temple Car

Closing Time

Wine Glass Lanyard

Awning Truck Advertising

Plugged In

Org Chart - Simplified Version

Extreme Value

Instant Acrophobia

How To Hire Engineers

Business School Basics

Waterwheel Rotisserie

Elephant Bus