#1 humor site on the 'net

Beach Farmer

When a farmer goes to the beach

Beach Farmer thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Sun tanning for a farmer

QuotaBills
I surf to get tan. - Shane Dorian

Beach Erosion: A case of bad tidings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Write injuries in sand, kindness in marble. - French Proverb

Quicksand: Beach where motor races are held - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Ampersand: Sand you won't find at a beach - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it. - Jonathan Winters

If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet? - Steven Wright

When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in. - Phyllis Diller

You will never get lessons on swimming from a drowning man. - Unknown

Lines of gulls standing on glassy blue patches of wet sand. - Cathleen Schine

No man drowns if he perseveres in praying to God, and can swim. - Russian Proverb

Live in the sunshine
Swim in the sea
Drink the wild air - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Leadership, like swimming, cannot be learned by reading about it. - Henry Mintzberg

She's a skeleton in the sand right now. She comes and she goes. - Annalies Corbin

Insults should be written in sand, compliments should be carved in stone. - Arab Proverb

A dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream. - WC Fields

Don't be a fish; be a frog. Swim in the water and jump when you hit ground. - Kim Young-ha

It's only when the tide goes out that you learn who's been swimming naked. - Warren Buffett

People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim. - Ann Landers

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. - Jimmy Carter

If I swim in the ocean, I have a shark thought. Not a bad one, but just a little one. - Tea Leoni

In matters of style, swim with the current. In matters of principle, stand like a rock. - Thomas Jefferson

It's the Olympics. If you can't get up to swim early in the morning, don't go. - Michael Phelps

I guess you would say I'd be like the Michael Phelps of swimming if he wasn't there. - Ryan Lochte

Nothing is built on stone; all is built on sand, but we must build as if the sand were stone. - Jorge Luis Borges

I think 99 times and find nothing. I stop thinking, swim in silence, and the truth comes to me. - Albert Einstein

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. - Steven Wright

Why don't you ever hear of a lawyer getting attacked by a shark at the beach? Professional courtesy. - Thomas F Shubnell

I keep fit. Every morning, I do a hundred laps of an Olympic-sized swimming pool - in a small motor launch. - Peter Cook

It is our art that has an opportunity to leave a footprint in the sand. They don't wrap fish in our work. - Hugh N Jacobsen

Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother. - Ken Dodd

If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand. - Milton Friedman

It would be a terrific innovation if you could get your mind to stretch a little further tan the next wisecrack. - Katharine Hepburn

I was the equivalent of a 98 pound weakling. I would go to the beach and people would throw copies of Byron in my face! - Robin Williams

It's better to swim in the sea below
Than to swing in the air and feed the crow,
Says jolly Ned Teach of Bristol. - Benjamin Franklin

One cannot collect all the beautiful shells on the beach. One can collect only a few, and they are more beautiful if they are few. - Anne Morrow Lindbergh

A mere 40 years ago, beach volleyball was just beginning. No bureaucrat would have invented it, and that's what freedom is all about. - Newt Gingrich

Clay. It's rain, dead leaves, dust, all my dead ancestors. Stones that have been ground into sand. Mud. The whole cycle of life and death. - Martine Vermeulen

Today was about chasing sun-rays, beach waves, and sunsets. All things beautiful that give you peace are worth chasing. Everything else isn't. - April M. Monterrosa

Summer is a drag because even normal people become obsessed with their bodies. A bad bathing suit can humiliate you more tan anything else in life. - Conan O'Brien


Making Music Together

Back Asswards

Tent Peg Setup

Fang Treats

Model T Snowmobile

Skinny Puddy Tat

Redneck Cocktail

Drug Dog Search

Vice Grip Handles

Nouveau Riche

Triple Bypass Burger

Hyphenated Names

Indian Fish Pond

Lunch Anyone?

Wet T-Shirt Contest Winners

Giraffe Lunch

Bathroom Celebration

Tennis Ball Retriever

One

Tonsil Ring

Brew Haul-her - 12 Brewskies At A Time

Anon-y-moose

Redneck Beer Opener

Greek Monk