#1 humor site on the 'net

Ankle Warning

Custom home alarm systems that work from the ground up

Ankle Warning thanks to Nick Chopra

Guard dog security for midgets

QuotaBills
Every dog has his day. - Unknown

A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

Zit: Command given to a spotted dog - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker

Pants: Something a dog does and a man steps into - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

Lawyers are men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers. - Elbert Hubbard

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney

Elixir: What a dog does to his owner when she gives him a bone - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

I would uphold the law if for no other reason but to protect myself. - Thomas More

It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking. - John Kenneth Galbraith

He prefers the security of known misery to the misery of unfamiliar insecurity. - Sheldon B. Kopp

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

Idealism, alas, does not protect one from ignorance, dogmatism, and foolishness. - Sidney Hook

I wear a fun sock when I travel to give the security staff a well-deserved chuckle. - Chelsea Peretti

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

We are just tenants on this earth. We have been given a new lease, and a warning from the landlord. - Unknown

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy

My parents live in a retirement community, which is basically a minimum-security prison with a golf course. - Joel Warshaw

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

You can't reach old age by another man's road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you. - Mark Twain

The only security men can have for their political liberty, consists in keeping their money in their own pockets. - Lysander Spooner

When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street. - Steven Wright

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. - Oscar Ameringer

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain


Final Exams In North Korea

ORCAstraighted

'Outside The Box' Juggler

HeidleBurger

Sun Skin Tone

I Think I'll Just Go Around

People Of The River

Synonym Rolls

New Stormtrooper

Education Standstill

Pool Cleaner

Stool There

Soldier Tribute

It Was That Close

Messy Temper Tantrum

Big Tame Hunter

Exactly Enough Space

Coca Cola Twins

Sidetracked Baby

Breakthrough Blessings

Pauper's Graveside Service

Are You Ready?

Pulling The Wool Over Your Eyes

Girlfriends