#1 humor site on the 'net

Where Not To Fall A Tree

Some pickups aren't big enough for amateur tree fallers

Where Not To Fall A Tree thanks to Wayne Nowazek

How to make the most room available for stacking cut firewood

Do you have a dead tree or a dead pickup truck?

QuotaBills
Weeping Willow: Sad tree - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A little axe can cut down a big tree. - Jamaican Saying

Trees often transplanted seldom prosper. - Flemish Proverb

Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do. - Ronald Reagan

Pencil: A tiny tree used to draw a line in the sand - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit. - Moliere

By trying often, the monkey learns to jump from the tree. - Cameroon Proverb

The patriot's blood is the seed of Freedom's tree. - Thomas Campbell

Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. - Khalil Gibran

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree. - Joyce Kilmer

Native ability without education is like a tree without fruit. - Aristippus

I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees. - Henry David Thoreau

Disbelief: How you tell someone what the green stuff on a tree is - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I ordered a bed from IKEA and they sent me a tree trunk and a saw. - Eileen Curtright

Zealotry: 1. The enemy of idealism; 2. What a tree salesman likes to do. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. - Chinese Proverb

Death is just a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees. - J.J. Furnas

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. - Fred Allen

Keep your bike in good repair: motorcycle boots are not comfortable for walking. - Unknown

Trees are not known by their leaves, nor even by their blossoms, but by their fruits. - Eleanor of Aquitaine

Chocolate comes from coco, which is a tree - that makes it a plant. Chocolate is salad. - Unknown

A cold wind was blowing from the north, and it made the trees rustle like living things. - George R.R. Martin

It's easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult. Choose your words wisely. - Unknown

Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee

The stars are like the trees in the forest, alive and breathing. And they're watching me. - Haruki Murakami

If I had six hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend the first four hours sharpening the axe. - Abraham Lincoln

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times. - Rita Rudner

You can't stop loving someone if you had already fallen; all you can do is hurting yourself. - M F Moonzajer

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

We breathe air, trees make air, homework kills trees, therefore homework is going to kill us all. - Unknown

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

The average auto owner drives so blamed reckless I'm glad that he does git robbed when he pays a repair bill. - Kin Hubbard

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

It's in the democratic citizen's nature to be like a leaf that doesn't believe in the tree it's part of. - David Foster Wallace

When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious. - Unknown

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. - Woody Allen

I think trees should bloom earlier in the spring. They act like they are on a schedule. It’s not like they have anywhere to go. - Jarod Kintz

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it was stupid. - Albert Einstein


Polar Bear Attack

Bottom Blast Car Wash

Air Meal

Starbucks Goes Extra Mile

Braided Mohawk

Just One More Glass

His First Hot Rod

Saskatchewan Roads

Pool Is Closed

Upended Water Buffalo

Do Not Touch Sign

Cold Beer

Grandma Safety

Partial Flight

Scenic View

Racewagon

Water Skier A-Head Of His Time

Owlympics Ice Skating

Shining Armor Knight

Smile For The Day

British Hairways

Cross Inspector

Morning Saving Time

Kangaroo On Ice