#1 humor site on the 'net

Where Not To Fall A Tree

Some pickups aren't big enough for amateur tree fallers

Where Not To Fall A Tree thanks to Wayne Nowazek

How to make the most room available for stacking cut firewood

Do you have a dead tree or a dead pickup truck?

QuotaBills
Palm Tree: A tree with hands - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

Trees often transplanted seldom prosper. - Flemish Proverb

What kind of man gives cigarettes to trees? - Robin Williams

Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do. - Ronald Reagan

Once there was a tree, and she loved a little boy. - Shel Silverstein

Pencil: A tiny tree used to draw a line in the sand - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If you don't like where you are, move. You are not a tree. - Unknown

When you think about a walking tree, laughter is the response. - John Rhys-Davies

I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees. - Henry David Thoreau

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass

The shortest distance between two points is usually under repair. - Unknown

Disbelief: How you tell someone what the green stuff on a tree is - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, does it make a sound? - Unknown

Zealotry: 1. The enemy of idealism; 2. What a tree salesman likes to do. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The trees in Siberia are miles apart - that's why the dogs are so fast. - Bob Hope

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. - Chinese Proverb

Learn not to talk to me. You shake the tree, a leopard's going to fall out. - Kobe Bryant

Keep your bike in good repair: motorcycle boots are not comfortable for walking. - Unknown

Someone told me I was immature. Guess who's not allowed in my tree house now? - Unknown

Chocolate comes from coco, which is a tree - that makes it a plant. Chocolate is salad. - Unknown

Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. - Warren Buffett

Transplanting the ballet to the United States is like trying to raise a palm tree in Dakota. - Lincoln Kirsten

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times. - Rita Rudner

You can't stop loving someone if you had already fallen; all you can do is hurting yourself. - M F Moonzajer

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room. - Unknown

Bountiful: What Captain Bligh declared after learning that one more breadfruit tree would sink his ship - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does. - George Bernard Shaw

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. - John Muir

Monkey: 1. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees; 2. A key that won't open a door. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat,
But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat. - Edward Lear

Wolves directly affect the entire ecosystem, not just moose populations, their main prey, because less moose equals more tree growth. - Rolf Peterson

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it was stupid. - Albert Einstein

I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery - air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, 'This is what it is to be happy.' - Sylvia Plath

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin

Love is like the wild-rose briar, friendship like the holly-tree. The holly is dark when the rose-briar blooms, but which will bloom most constantly? - Emily Bronte


Balanced Meal

Acoustic Hearing Aids

Redneck Advent Calendar

Programmer Logic

Lego Haircut

Lettuce Face

Hammock Wine

Catch Anything Lately?

Dead Batteries

Frozen Fish

How Do You Spell L-U-C-K-Y?

Stretch Line - Down To The Wire

Milkshake Diet

Bicycle Logging

Texas 4 Months Apart

Flat Tire Repair

Double Error Message

Redneck Candle

Tenacity

Better Call Saul

Hair Notes

Gold Silk Fabric

Orthodox Weapon

Chanukah Special