When You Gotta Go

Stress makes you stupid. - Unknown

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

With kids, the days are long, but the years are short. - John Leguizamo

Oh, that sound? I'm in the hot tub, reading a novel. - Jane Smiley

You know what's cool? My kids think I'm ordinary. - Michael J. Fox

I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

Reality: The leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. - Lily Tomlin

Jackpot: When all the kids stay at friends' homes for the night - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. - Red Buttons

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick

Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one. - Hans Selye

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. - William James

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima

Man should not try to avoid stress any more than he would shun food, love, or exercise. - Hans Selye

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffett

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

I just want to make sure when I have kids, I can spend time with them. That's the whole point. - Mark Zuckerberg

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

Field hockey is my strongest sport, and if I lose a game, I take a long, hot bath and moan about it. - Emma Watson

I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

Animals are not our selfie props. If there's any risk that your photo is going to hurt or stress an animal, it's not worth it. - Angela Henderson

To be a champion, you have to learn to handle stress and pressure. But if you've prepared mentally and physically, you don't have to worry. - Harvey Mackay

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash