When You Gotta Go

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

With kids, the days are long, but the years are short. - John Leguizamo

I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder

Stress should be a powerful driving force, not an obstacle. - Bob Phillips

The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

Jackpot: When all the kids stay at friends' homes for the night - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown

It never fails - you get in the bath and there's a rub at the lamp. - Robin Williams

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness. - Richard Carlson

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick

There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland

I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima

Man should not try to avoid stress any more than he would shun food, love, or exercise. - Hans Selye

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground. - Athol Fugard

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. - Hartman Jule

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

It's like running a marathon race. We train all hours of the day. When you are taking a bath, you are thinking of the flight. - Kalpana Chawla

Animals are not our selfie props. If there's any risk that your photo is going to hurt or stress an animal, it's not worth it. - Angela Henderson

Keep your sense of humor. There's enough stress in the rest of your life to let bad shots ruin a game you're supposed to enjoy. - Amy Alcott

If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller