Something Witty

Wit is the epitaph of an emotion. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

An old man in a house is a good sign. - Benjamin Franklin

To be thought rich is as good as to be rich. - William M Thackeray

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit. - W Somerset Maugham

There can be no wise politics without thought beforehand. - Annie Besant

It matters not what you are thought to be, but what you are. - Publilius Syrus

The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession. - Mark Twain

As a child, the only clear thought I had was "Get candy." - Jerry Seinfeld

A happy thought is like a seed that sows positivity for all to reap. - Miriam Muhammad

I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn. - C.E. Cowman

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman

Be not careless in deeds, nor confused in words, nor rambling in thought. - Marcus A. Antoninus

Idealism is the despot of thought, just as politics is the despot of will. - Mikhail Bakunin

To achieve the marvelous, it is precisely the unthinkable that must be thought. - Tom Robbins

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words. - Robert Frost

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

If you're not failing now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe. - Woody Allen

When I was with Andy Warhol, I thought, 'God, his wig looks cheaper than mine!' - Dolly Parton

The first time I tried organic wheat bread, I thought I was chewing on roofing material. - Robin Williams

Discovery consists of seeing what everyone has seen and thinking what nobody has thought. - Albert Szent-Gyorgyi

I used to think that one of the great signs of security was the ability to just walk away. - Jack Nicholson

I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly under-polluted. - Lawrence Summers

They would not find me changed from him they knew - only more sure of all I thought was true. - Robert Frost

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk? - Laurence J. Peter

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. - Groucho Marx

Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. - Ambrose Bierce

Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses.
On second thought, just let me cover your face. - Groucho Marx

I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired. - Steven Wright

A lot of people have gone further than they thought they could because someone else thought they could. - Zig Ziglar

Well over eighty per cent of the human race goes through life without having a single original thought. - H L Mencken

When we yield to discouragement it is usually because we give too much thought to the past and to the future. - St. Theresa of Lisieux

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. - Woody Allen

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. - Calvin

When you arrive where you thought you wanted to be, you'll just begin a new journey so enjoy each step along the way. - Wayne Dyer

Don't be afraid of being scared. To be afraid is a sign of common sense. Only complete idiots are not afraid of anything. - Carlos Ruiz Zafon

It takes but one positive thought when given a chance to survive and thrive to overpower an entire army of negative thoughts. - Robert H. Schuller

The greatest advantage I know of being thought a wit by the world is that it gives one the greater freedom of playing the fool. - Jonathan Swift

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? - George Carlin

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown