QuotaBillsDidn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker
Care shouldn't start in the emergency room. - James Douglas
Substance is not enough, accident is also required. - Greek Proverb
The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. - John F Kennedy
I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright
To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner
One way to get the most out of life is to look upon it as an adventure. - William Feather
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow
Happiness is an accident of nature, a beautiful and flawless aberration. - Pat Conroy
When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon
I aimed at the public's heart and by accident I hit it in the stomach. - Upton Sinclair
A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont
There is nothing so strong or safe in an emergency of life as the simple truth. - Charles Dickens
I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip
You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha
A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen
If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman
My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright
I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck
Police officers may drive black and white cars, however what goes on in their job is a lot of gray. - Arik Matson
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright
When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk
If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler
I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pick-up truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen
Faith is a fine invention
When Gentlemen can see -
But Microscopes are prudent
In an Emergency. - Emily Dickinson
When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson
There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. - Joe Ryan
There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will. - Epictetus
The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly
A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty
I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough
Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett
Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia. - Judith Viorst
A helping word to one in trouble is often like a switch in a railroad track ... an inch between a wreck and smooth, rolling prosperity. - Henry Ward Beecher
A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman
My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright