No-iPhone Kids

Raising kids is a walk in the park. Jurassic Park. - Unknown

All my friends don't recognize me without a limp. - Kim Stewart

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children. - Sam Levenson

Animals are my friends... and I don't eat my friends. - George Bernard Shaw

He knows his olive trees better than he knows his children. - Rebecca Helm-Ropelato

Children should neither be seen nor heard from - ever again. - WC Fields

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. - Voltaire

The one thing children wear out faster than shoes is parents. - John J. Plomp

God gave us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends. - Ethel Mumford

Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits

I like sports, and I enjoy playing basketball and lifting weights. - Joel Osteen

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. - Mark Twain

Always kiss your children goodnight - even if they're already asleep. - H Jackson Brown, Jr.

I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids. - Unknown

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children. - David Brenner

Apple: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The influence of a mother in the lives of her children is beyond calculation. - James E Faust

Treat your friends as you do your pictures, and place them in their best light. - Jennie Jerome Churchill

Spoiled Rotten: What the kids become after as little as 15 minutes with Grandma - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Children are not a distraction for more important work. They are the most important work. - C S Lewis

I think of inspiration as desire infused with spirit and topped with an almost reckless optimism. - Fred White

I just want to make sure when I have kids, I can spend time with them. That's the whole point. - Mark Zuckerberg

It's triple the Trump this season... I invited my children, Don Jr. and Ivanka into the boardroom. - Donald Trump

Animals are like little children a bit. They're simple. They don't have politics driving them. - Annabelle Sabloff

Our children may learn about heroes of the past. Our task is to make ourselves architects of the future. - Jomo Mzee Kenyatta

Inspiration comes unawares, from unaccountable sources that have nothing to do with planning or intelligence. - Maurice Chevalier

Inspiration comes from within yourself. One has to be positive. When you're positive, good things happen. - Deep Roy

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

I'm telling you this 'cause you're one of my friends. My alphabet starts where your alphabet ends! - Dr. Seuss

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of the tires. - Dorothy Parker

The fundamental defect of fathers, in our competitive society, is that they want their children to be a credit to them. - Bertrand Russell

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children. - Bill Hicks

Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul, the blueprints of your ultimate achievements. - Napoleon Hill

Study while others are sleeping; work while others are loafing; prepare while others are playing; and dream while others are wishing. - William Arthur Ward

I dream of the realization of the unity of Africa, whereby its leaders combine in their efforts to solve the problems of this continent. - Nelson Mandela

She's so fat she's my two best friends. She wears stretch caftans. She's got more chins than the Chinese telephone directory. - Joan Rivers

There's nothing more contagious than the laughter of young children; it doesn't even have to matter what they're laughing about. - Criss Jami

If you never want to see a man again, just tell him, "I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have children." They leave skid marks. - Rita Rudner