#1 humor site on the 'net

Nice Try, Mom

Taking the calories out of fast food

Nice Try, Mom thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Diet plans that look better than the alternative

QuotaBills
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

The apple will fall under the apple tree. - Greek Proverb

I got 99 donuts 'cause my Mom ate one. - Unknown

I've probably tried every fad diet in the world. - Jenna Ushkowitz

I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight. - The Devil Wears Prada

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments. - Bethenny Frankel

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love. - Sophocles

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. - Totie Fields

I gotta lose weight, Edith. I hope you remembered my diuretic cottage cheese. - Archie Bunker

The majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn't finish. - Carrie Underwood

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

You can't lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut. - Old Farmer's Almanac

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. - Tim Allen

People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders

You know you're a mom when you understand why mama bear's porridge was cold. - Jody Defries

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis

Man who invented the hamburger was smart; man who invented the cheeseburger was a genius. - Matthew McConaughey

Once you're a mom, you're always a mom. It's like riding a bike, you never forget. - Taraji P Henson

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger

I grew up on a steady diet of science fiction, especially apocalyptic and postapocalyptic fiction. - Justin Cronin

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience. - John Updike

You know you're a mom when you go to the store for yourself and come out with a bag of things for your kids. - Unknown

What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. - Alexander Pope

I love those hockey moms. You know what they say the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull is? Lipstick. - Sarah Palin

Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington

I have done a Hamburger Helper commercial, a Hardees commercial, a McDonalds commercial. American Express commercial. - Luke Benward

There are a zillion variables to a hamburger. What part of the animal went into it. What coarseness. What temperature. - Danny Meyer

The first requisite of a good citizen in this republic of ours is that he shall be able and willing to pull his weight. - Theodore Roosevelt

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain

I'm off the diet, but not the treadmill. I speak as someone who's attempted to lose weight and get fit thrice before in my life. - Ronnie Screwvala

Never play cards with a man called Doc, never eat at a place called Mom's, and never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own. - Nelson Algren

If it's flipping hamburgers at McDonald's, be the best hamburger flipper in the world. Whatever it is you do you have to master your craft. - Snoop Dogg

The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. - Edward I Kock

Our food pyramid, the kind of diet that is constantly promoted, is completely warped. It's not based around anything to do with healing your body. - Jessica Origliasso


How To Tweet Others

Nutella Soother

Autumn Camouflage

Go Play Outside

Be Someone

Arkansas Divorce Application

Three Finger Carrot

Braided Horse Tail

Owl Glove

Far North Cable Guys

Openish Hours

Lead Sled Dog

Pet Food Tester

Gold Bar Carrot Cake

Looking For A Mate

Food For Thought

Kanye Twitty

Skull Tentacles

Ukrainian Cattle Car

CreepEye

Canadian Whiskey

Winter Tree

WrenchWare

Dog Sled