Nailed It Baby

Babies are such a nice way to start people. - Don Herold

Infancy conforms to nobody; all conform to it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A baby is an inestimable blessing and a bother. - Mark Twain

Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself. - Erich Fromm

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it. - Frank A. Clark

One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control. - Rodney Dangerfield

I'm a New Wave baby, so I got very stimulated by foreign film. - Jack Nicholson

My Birth Certificate is so old, it's written in Roman Numerals. - Bill Carter

The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones. - Chinese Proverb

Having a baby is like trying to push a grand piano through a transom. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

The big lesson in life, baby, is never be scared of anyone or anything. - Frank Sinatra

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

Back then the women had babies, which they called in them days, begatten. - Archie Bunker

Baby: a loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. - Ronald Knox

The four stages of man are infancy, childhood, adolescence, and obsolescence. - Art Linkletter

At the base and birth of every successful venture you will find an enthusiast. - Winston Churchill

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. - Natalie Wood

Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child. - Tina Brown

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. - Mary Marsh

An ugly baby is a very nasty object, and the prettiest is frightful when undressed. - Queen Victoria

The firsts go away - first love, first baby, first kiss. You have to create new ones. - Sarah Jessica Parker

When I go home, I play with my baby dolls and strollers and diaper bags, and play with my sisters. - Dakota Fanning

I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. - Rodney Dangerfield

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. - Will Rogers

The baby bat
Screamed out in fright,
'Turn on the dark,
I'm afraid of the light.' - Shel Silverstein

I never used to like babies. I'd always thought if a baby were more like a chimpanzee, I'd have one. - Candice Bergen

You are not Atlas carrying the world on your shoulder. It is good to remember that the planet is carrying you. - Vandana Shiva

Why is it that people rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the people involved. - Mark Twain

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

Menopause: because nature decided that pregnancy, labor, delivery, breastfeeding, and stretch marks wasn't enough. - Unknown

The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are. - Mewtwo

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

Babies are bits of stardust, blown from the hand of God. Lucky the woman who knows the pangs of birth, for she has held a star. - Larry Barratto

No one ever wants to see his or her name linked to anything bad. Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can. - Harvey Mackay

The wise man is but a clever infant, spelling letters from a hieroglyphical prophetic book, the lexicon of which lies in eternity. - Thomas Carlyle

Our babies are like penguins; penguin babies can't exist unless more than one person is taking care of them. They just can't keep going. - Alison Gopnik