#1 humor site on the 'net

Mountain Christmas Tree

Ski hill lights way to the Christmas treetop

Mountain Christmas Tree thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

QuotaBills
Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Every man under his own fig tree. - Hebrew Saying

The apple will fall under the apple tree. - Greek Proverb

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

The righteous will flourish like the palm tree. - Psalms 92:12

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

By trying often, the monkey learns to jump from the tree. - Cameroon Proverb

Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. - Kahlil Gibran

Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison

Native ability without education is like a tree without fruit. - Aristippus

Character is the root of the tree; conduct, the fruit it bears. - E.M. Bounds

I ordered a bed from IKEA and they sent me a tree trunk and a saw. - Eileen Curtright

Zealotry: 1. The enemy of idealism; 2. What a tree salesman likes to do. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. - Chinese Proverb

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Learn not to talk to me. You shake the tree, a leopard's going to fall out. - Kobe Bryant

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

Chocolate comes from coco, which is a tree - that makes it a plant. Chocolate is salad. - Unknown

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. - Warren Buffett

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

The reason there are so many tree-lined boulevards in Paris is so the German army can march in the shade. - George S Patton

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does. - George Bernard Shaw

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

He that climbs the tall tree has won the right to the fruit; he that leaps the wide gulf should prevail in his suit. - Walter Scott

It's in the democratic citizen's nature to be like a leaf that doesn't believe in the tree it's part of. - David Foster Wallace

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

Only when the last tree has withered, and the last fish caught, and the last river been poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money. - Cree Proverb

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin

Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Francis Bacon

Love is like the wild-rose briar, friendship like the holly-tree. The holly is dark when the rose-briar blooms, but which will bloom most constantly? - Emily Bronte


ThaiTanic

Redneck Tree Fort

Hot Job in the City

Google Glasses

MultEye Personality

Peter Cotton Ale

Grandma Needs Help

FedUPS

Before Twitter

Early Spring Planting Yields Extra Returns

Needle's Eye Bike

Depressing Situation

Drink And Drive Directions

Texas Roller Blades

Frog Spout Security

Family Reunion

You Otter See This

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Mexican Salad Dressing

Happy Centipede

Back Of The Line, Harry

Motherhood

Finger Olympics

Vatican Chess