#1 humor site on the 'net

Morning Coffee

How to handle a very strong cup of Java

Morning Coffee thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Keep your distance from this morning's brew

QuotaBills
Coffee and love taste best when hot. - German Proverb

Water is the only drink for a wise man. - Henry David Thoreau

Be willing to be a beginner every single morning. - Meister Eckhart

Some people like to eat octopus. Liberals, mostly. - Russell Baker

Depresso: The feeling you get when you run out of coffee - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I think if I were a woman I'd wear coffee as a perfume. - John Van Druten

What a morning - fresh as if issued to children on a beach. - Virginia Woolf

For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move. - Phyllis Diller

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems. - Paul Erdos

When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with. - WC Fields

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

It's great to get up in the morning, but nicer to lie in bed. - Unknown

Nothing lasts forever, so live it up, drink it down, laugh it off. - Unknown

We awoke one morning in September, and the world lurched on its axis. - Jeb Bush

Without my morning coffee, I'm just like a dried-up piece of goat. - J.S. Bach

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. - WC Fields

A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink. - WC Fields

The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning. - C S Lewis

I just want a hot cup of coffee, black, and I don't want to hear about your troubles. - Charles Bukowski

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living. - Jean Kerr

I drink maple syrup. Then I'm hyper so I just run around like crazy and work it all off. - Rachel McAdams

When a man who is drinking neat gin starts talking about his mother he is past all argument. - C.S. Forester

I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs. - Robert Downey Jr.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas.
How he got into my pyjamas I'll never know. - Groucho Marx

My grandfather is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. - Henny Youngman

I blend my green drink every morning. I also fix my son a full-on American breakfast with bacon and toast. - Liz Phair

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day. - Mickey Rooney

I'd hate to be an alcoholic with Alzheimer's. Imagine needing a drink and forgetting where you put it. - George Carlin

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

Even if you don't have time for a big workout, stretching in the morning and night really changes your body. - Erin Heatherton

Sometimes in the morning, when it's a good surf, I go out there, and I don't feel like it's a bad world. - Kary Mullis

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning. - John Barrymore

I thank the Lord I no longer have to go to work. I just get out of bed in the morning, and there it is - all around me. - Unknown

It was so quiet, a reservation kind of quiet, where you can hear somebody drinking whiskey on the rocks three miles away. - Sherman Alexie

Hold your head high, stick your chest out. You can make it. It gets dark sometimes but morning comes ... keep hope alive. - Jesse Jackson

Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each. - Henry David Thoreau

One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mouse trap you set the night before. - Kin Hubbard

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain

A giraffe's coffee would be cold by the time it reached the bottom of its throat. Ever think about that? No. You only think about yourself. - Unknown

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown


Trudeau's Top Fails

Bathtub Opulence

Anger Release Machine

Inbread Cat

Madness in London

Crotch Rocket

Too Late Sign

Smart Car Security

Motorcycle Texting

Mega Samurai Sudoku Puzzles

Fresh Out Of The Saddle

Monsoon TV

Radio Shack Closes Down

DIRK

Karate Sign Kick

Evel Knievel Tickets

LiverPool

Romanian Barbeque

Mexican Starfish

On Top Of Things

Beer Chess

The Art of Cropping

Copycat Pilot

Hungry For Justice