Missed Shots

Good wine needs no vine. - French Proverb

Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

Liquor Store: A stupor market - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Gin was mother's milk to her. - George Bernard Shaw

Wine is my favorite 4 letter word. - Unknown

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

Every cask smells of the wine it contains. - Spanish Proverb

Draft Dodger: Someone who avoids beer on tap. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman

Big shots are only little shots who keep shooting. - Christopher Morley

Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting? - WC Fields

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

Liquor talks mighty loud when it gets loose from the jug. - Joel C Harris

Stop trying to make everybody happy - you're not tequila. - Unknown

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

One martini is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. - James Thurber

You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini. - Mae West

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. - Pope John XXIII

A raise is like a martini: it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily. - Dan Seligman

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula. - Dave Barry

A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur

Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine. - Casablanca

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts. - Samuel Johnson

I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rim shots during the vows. - Sam Kinison

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump

Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is quite so satisfying as an income tax refund. - Unknown

I exercise extreme self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. - WC Fields

I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs. - Robert Downey Jr.

Over the years, I've had hundreds of shots blocked. You've got to go in and take chances. - John Havlicek

I got rabies shots for biting the head off a bat but that's OK - the bat had to get Ozzy shots. - Ozzy Osbourne

Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. - Joan Collins

When the clergyman's daughter
Drinks nothing but water
She's certain to finish on gin. - Rudyard Kipling

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

Milk is the drink of babies, tea the drink of women, water the drink of beasts, and wine is the drink of the gods. - John S Blackie

We have embarked upon the world's largest and longest cocktail party, and every issue imaginable is up for grabs. - Geoffrey Moore

I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. - Pat Paulsen

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do. - P.J. O'Rourke

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

Morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey, to be preserved in cells. - William Taylor

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster