Message From The Wife

I was so cold I almost got married. - Shelley Winters

A really good detective never gets married. - Raymond Chandler

Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce

In married life three is company and two is none. - Oscar Wilde

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. - Gloria Steinem

Excellence in any pursuit is the late, ripe fruit of toil. - W.M.L. Jay

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. - Ambrose Bierce

Native ability without education is like a tree without fruit. - Aristippus

I would rather be a beggar and single than a queen and married. - Queen Elizabeth I

Plant the seed of meditation and reap the fruit of peace of mind. - Unknown

I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez

Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp

The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

Men are my hobby. If I ever got married, I'd have to give it up. - Mae West

Tenderness is greater proof of love than the most passionate of vows. - Marlene Dietrich

Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields

I was going to marry a gardener, but he was too rough around the hedges. - Unknown

Marriage is too interesting an experiment to be tried only once or twice. - Eva Gabor

Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face. - Enrico Caruso

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

Will you marry me? Do you have any money?
Answer the second question first. - Groucho Marx

If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry. - O. Henry

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child

Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck. - WC Fields

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed. - Oscar Wilde

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. - Jackie Gleason

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day. - Mickey Rooney

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me. - Phyllis Diller

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

The best reason for a knitter to marry is that you can't teach the cat to be impressed when you finish a lace scarf. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

Fraud in business is no different from infidelity in marriage or plagiarism in scholarly work. Even people committed to high moral standards succumb. - Miroslav Volf