Message From The Wife

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx

The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - American Saying

Always say no, and you will never by married. - French Proverb

If you marry for money you will earn every penny. - Dr. Phil McGraw

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet. - Unknown

An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy

A balanced diet is a Cracker Jack cookie in each hand. - Joe-kster

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad. - Oedipus Rex

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. - Ambrose Bierce

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash

Plant the seed of meditation and reap the fruit of peace of mind. - Unknown

I don't diet, I just don't eat as much as I'd like to. - Linda Evangelista

The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

Don't be afraid to go out on a limb. That's where the fruit is. - H. Jackson Browne

Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit. - Aristotle

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child

Sir, it is your duty to get married. You can't be always living for pleasure. - Oscar Wilde

The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life. - Oscar Wilde

Marriage is wonderful institution... if, of course, you like living in an institution. - Groucho Marx

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed. - Oscar Wilde

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling. - Rodney Dangerfield

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry

Whatever I am offered in devotion with a pure heart - a leaf, a flower, fruit, or water - I accept with joy. - Bhagavad Gita

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. - John Wilmot

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison

Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings. - Vicki Baum

I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner

Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? - Barbara Streisand

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do. - P.J. O'Rourke

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. - Ogden Nash

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller