#1 humor site on the 'net

Message From The Wife

Eat more fruit - key ingredient for a healthy marital relationship

My friend got home late last night after a full day of golfing and drinking with the boys, and his wife left a message in the kitchen for him. I guess she wants him to eat more fruit...
Message From The Wife thanks to Barry McCartney

Secrets to a successful long-term relationship or marriage

QuotaBills
I was so cold I almost got married. - Shelley Winters

A really good detective never gets married. - Raymond Chandler

Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce

In married life three is company and two is none. - Oscar Wilde

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. - Gloria Steinem

Excellence in any pursuit is the late, ripe fruit of toil. - W.M.L. Jay

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. - Ambrose Bierce

Native ability without education is like a tree without fruit. - Aristippus

I would rather be a beggar and single than a queen and married. - Queen Elizabeth I

Plant the seed of meditation and reap the fruit of peace of mind. - Unknown

I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez

Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp

The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

Men are my hobby. If I ever got married, I'd have to give it up. - Mae West

Tenderness is greater proof of love than the most passionate of vows. - Marlene Dietrich

Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields

I was going to marry a gardener, but he was too rough around the hedges. - Unknown

Marriage is too interesting an experiment to be tried only once or twice. - Eva Gabor

Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face. - Enrico Caruso

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

Will you marry me? Do you have any money?
Answer the second question first. - Groucho Marx

If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry. - O. Henry

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child

Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck. - WC Fields

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed. - Oscar Wilde

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. - Jackie Gleason

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day. - Mickey Rooney

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me. - Phyllis Diller

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

The best reason for a knitter to marry is that you can't teach the cat to be impressed when you finish a lace scarf. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

Fraud in business is no different from infidelity in marriage or plagiarism in scholarly work. Even people committed to high moral standards succumb. - Miroslav Volf


Science Project Turmoil

Parking Forever

I've Got Time

Red Wine Diet

Nice Try, Mom

Flight of the Ladybug

Time To Retire

Chess On The Wall

Tree Face

Bad Day Flyer

Back Bard

St. Peter's Fish

Feed Me

Horse Model

Get In Line!

Coffee World

Horsing Around

Think Big

The Wurst Spiral I've Seen

Grass Leak

Dead Sea Fish

Jesus On The Beach

NASCAR Fan - Diehard Category

Moldy Bible