Merry House

An old man in a house is a good sign. - Benjamin Franklin

Art is a house that tries to be haunted. - Emily Dickinson

Operatics: Bugs that live in an opera house - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Choose your neighbor before you buy your house. - African Proverb

The words you speak become the house you live in. - Hafiz

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet. - Unknown

He's got that big house to maintain in San Clemency. - Archie Bunker

Better a hundred enemies outside the house than one inside. - Arabic proverb

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I can't clean house and save the world at the same time. - Unknown

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. - George Carlin

Real Estate: What your house is called during divorce proceedings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I will clean house when Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. - Roseanne Barr

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Census Taker: A man who goes from house to house increasing the population. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I love contemporary art, although I wouldn't want a pickled shark in my house. - Bruno Tonioli

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

So finally, the great Jefferson, who always reclined to cross my freshhold is into the house. - Archie Bunker

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. - Steven Wright

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition. - Phyllis Diller

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Lawyers are like painters - once they get into a house, you never know when you will get rid of them again. - Peter A Graham

Can we be casual in the work of God—casual when the house is on fire, and people in danger of being burned? - Duncan Campbell

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. - Joe Ryan

A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. - Nora Ephron

When I moved out of my mom's house at 18 I was almost as sad to leave her sewing machine behind as anything else. - Beth Ditto

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper. - Steven Wright

Every woman's dream is that a man will take her in his arms, throw her into bed... and clean the whole house while she sleeps. - Unknown

I was born by Caesarian section... but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window. - Steven Wright

The worst thing about work in the house or home is that whatever you do it is destroyed, laid waste or eaten within twenty-four hours. - Lady Hasluck

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door, greet him with, "Who could have done this? We have no enemies." - Phyllis Diller

Science is built up with facts, as a house is with stones. But a collection of facts is no more a science than a heap of stones is a house. - Jules H Poincare

At this late hour a wagon has been procured, and I have had it filled with plate and the most valuable portable articles, belonging to the house. - Dolly Madison

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. - Steven Wright