Just Lettuce Know

Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

Tacos are the food of genius. - Heather Brewer

A pun is the lowest form of wit. - John Dennis

Puns are a form of humor with words. - Guillermo C. Infante

A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands. - Unknown

My diet is like Atkins, but with the carbs. - BJ Penn

What poison is to food, self-pity is to life. - Oliver C. Wilson

Queuing tips for fans: wrap up and bring food! - Niall Horan

I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet. - Unknown

Where love sets the table, food tastes at its best. - French Proverb

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields

A balanced diet is a Cracker Jack cookie in each hand. - Joe-kster

The food in Yugoslavia is fine if you like pork tartare. - Ed Begley Jr.

I just love Chinese food. My favorite dish is number 27. - Clement Attlee

The cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good, spit it out. - Unknown

May my last breath be drawn through a pipe and exhaled in a pun. - Charles Lamb

I don't diet, I just don't eat as much as I'd like to. - Linda Evangelista

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

The maxim that the "best is the cheapest" does not apply to food. - W.O. Atwater

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

Your food is close to your stomach, but you must put it in your mouth first. - African Saying

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child

An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed. - A.J. Liebling

Of puns it has been said that they who most dislike them are least able to utter them. - Edgar Allan Poe

I always thought that bagels and lox was my soul food, but it turns out it's sushi. - Sara Sheridan

So long as you have food in your mouth, you have solved all questions for the time being. - Franz Kafka

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks. - Joe E Lewis

I'm on a strict liquid diet: Mimosas for breakfast, Margaritas for lunch, Martinis for dinner. - Unknown

Chocolate symbolizes, as does no other food, luxury, comfort, sensuality, gratification, and love. - Karl Petzke

There's no point in wasting calories on cheap chocolate, always opt for the darkest and richest. - Nanci Rathbun

Number theorists are like lotus-eaters – having once tasted of this food they can never give it up. - Leopold Kronecker

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. - Mark Twain

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else... even the fact that I'm on a diet. - Barbara Brooke

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. - Jean Kerr

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. - WC Fields

One of my biggest fears is that I'm going to die alone in my home, and my cats will eat me because I am too dead to open their food cans. - Kelli Jae Baeli